Lord of the Rings Fanfiction

Bilbo and Frodo’s Birthday Fic!!!

Happy hobbit day to everyone! Today is Bilbo and Frodo’s birthday! Here is a fic where Gandalf, Pippin, Merry, and Sam are over at Bag End.

~~~

Bilbo set the tray of small cakes and tea on the sidetable, setlling into the armchair beside it, across from Gandalf. The old wizard looked up and smiled. “I declare, Bilbo, at one hundred you are looking much the same as you did fifty years ago.”

“Do I?” Bilbo poured a mug of tea and passed it over. “Well, that will be the blood on my mother’s side – I am directly descended from the Old Took, you know.” He glanced down at the floor, where Frodo was playing with his cousins and Sam.

“Cay!” Little Pippin reached up for the tray of cakes. “Cay!”

“You want a cake, Pip?” Frodo asked. The one-year-old Took nodded vigorously. Frodo took down a cake, and pulling him into his lap, broke off a bite for Pippin.

“Yay! Cay! Thankooo Fwo!”

“You’re welcome, Pip dear.” Frodo ruffled the boys curls.

“M-waa!” Pippin kissed Frodo’s nose. “I kisshyou, Fwo!”

“Yes you did.” Frodo smiled and set him back on the floor. Pippin picked up the wooden horse he had been playing with and tried to feed it pieces of his cake.

“Frodo,” Merry said, tugging on his arm. “I didn’t give you your present yet.”

“And I didn’t give you yours, Mer-Mer.” Frodo reached for a slip of paper behind the armchair and handed it to him.

“You go first.” Merry handed over his package to Frodo, who carefully unfolded the wrapping and set it aside.

“Oh, thank you Merry!” he said, opening a green book. “Did you know I don’t have this?”

“Uh-huh.” Merry smiled proudly. “Fatty gave it to me for his birthday, but I don’ want it anymore.”

Frodo hugged him. “Thank you, love. Now you open yours.”

“There’s nothin’ to open, Fro.” Merry turned the piece of paper over, then paused and broke out into a smile. “Is me!”

“Yes, it is! I worked for a long time to get your nose perfect.” Frodo tapped the drawing. “But Uncle let me use his colored inks, so I could do your handsome blond curls just right.”

Pippin toddled over to the drawing, and then looked down at it. Confused, he looked up at Merry, then back down at the drawing. He grabbed Merry’s face in his pudgy hands and pulled it closer until they were eye-to-eye. Then he exclaimed, “der thwoo o’ you, Mer-Mer!” He kissed Merry’s cheek. “Mm-wa! I kisshyou.”

Bilbo and Gandalf exchanged smiles over the lad’s heads.

“It’s just a drawing, Pippin,” Sam told the boy.

“M-waah! Ikisshyou, Sam!”

Sam wiped his forehead off. “Yech.”

Frodo swooped down on Sam and kissed his hair. Bilbo laughed aloud. “Alright, lads, time for you to go to bed.”

“Awww.” Merry set his drawing aside.

“Come on, you can sleep with me if you like,” Frodo said. The boys skipped off, and abilbo and Gandalf sat back to smoke their pipes.

Lord of the Rings Fanfiction

The Fellowship’s Chatroom #2

addbratlove225 asked for a sequel to the original Fellowship’s Chatroom, and it was so funny so how could I refuse?

~~~

Leggsielovesarrows has joined the chat

Gimlithegreat has joined the chat

Elendilsheir has joined the chat

Leggsielovesarrows: Hey Aragorn, what’s up?

Elendilsheir: Um, you’re right here riding with me.

Gimlithegreat: We are, but the horses are so loud how do you expect us to talk?

Elendilsheir: So we go in a chatroom.

Leggsielovesarrows: Of course.

Pip has joined the chat

Merryisawesome has joined the chat

Gandalfthewhite has joined the chat

Pip: helo how r al of u dng 2da

Merryisawesome: Here we go with the text lingo…

Gandalfthewhite: I wonder what Frodo and Sam are up to.

Leggsielovesarrows: I could IM Sam and ask him to come online.

Pip: u haz Sam IM ho u get dat.

Leggsielovesarrows: We talk about flowers and plants and stuff.

Merryisawesome: Of course you do.

Gimlithegreat: So IM him!

Leggsielovesarrows: Okay, let me click over to iMessages…

Elendilsheir: What if they’re dead?

Gandalfthewhite: Oh, don’t be so dramatic, I’m sure they aren’t dead.

Pip: u nvr no Gandalf they mit b ded.

Gandalfthewhite: Enough with the chat speak!

Pip: Y?

Pip: Y?

Merryisawesome: Haha Pippin, you double posted.

Gimlithegreat: That still only counts as one!

Po-ta-toeSam has joined the chat

Leggsielovesarrows: He’s here!

Po-ta-toeSam: Hello everyone, how are you?

Elendilsheir: We’re good, how are you?

Po-ta-toeSam: Alive. Barely.

Ringbearer has joined the chat

Ringbearer: OH MY GOSH SAM ARE YOU CRAZY YOU’RE GOING TO KILL ME TURN OFF YOUR PHONE!!!!

Merryisawesome: Whoa.

Gimlithegreat: What in Middle-Earth is going on over there?

Ringbearer: Sam is carrying me up Mt. Doom, which is great, but then he let go of my legs to use his phone! You can’t carry someone one-handed!

Po-ta-toeSam: Yes I can. I am very strong.

Pip: Fro u is tecniclly on ur fone if u iz txtng us wich u iz.

Ringbearer: I’m not the one carrying a 45-pound hobbit!

Po-ta-toeSam: You weigh 48 pounds. Let’s be real here.

Leggsielovesarrows: How is it possible for Frodo to only weigh 48 pounds?

Po-ta-toeSam: I only weigh 46 pounds now. We’re kind of starving here.

Elendilsheir: Do you want us to fax you some cash?

Gandalfthewhite: There are no grocery stores in Mordor, Aragorn.

Gimlithegreat: There must at least be a McDonald’s.

Ringbearer: There is, but the burgers are made out of human or goblin body parts.

Merryisawesome: Ewwwww!!!!

Po-ta-toeSam: It’s a McDonald’s for orcs.

Leggsielovesarrows: I see…

Pip: …

Gandalfthewhite: …

Elendilsheir: …

ThePantslessWonder has joined the chat

ThePantslessWonder: Nassssty little hobbitses! Give ussss back the Precious! *gollum*

Ringbearer: Ack!!!

Merryisawesome: How did he get on here ?!

Po-ta-toeSam: He must have hacked the server.

Gandalfthewhite: Uh-oh…

ThePantslessWonder: We sees you, Baggins! Being carriedses does not mean we does not see you!

Ringbearer: Nooooo!

Po-ta-toeSam: Ack – fheaurkFeajge.akhghesr.kjghsukbb yuseibrs byrsuibrstb srybsuril

Pip: ?

Po-ta-toeSam: He’s attacking fheqf.ehferak.hgbefhjbh ghrje,avh me and randomly banging keys on ghj,hfgh,g dtyj dfy my phone!!!!

Merryisawesome: Uh…

Leggsielovesarrows: …

Ringbearer: Sam!

Po-ta-toeSam: Run Mr. Frodo!!!

Ringbearer: *runs*

Ringbearer has left the chat.

Gimlithegreat: This could become an issue pretty soon…

ThePantslessWonder: *bites Sam’s neck*

Po-ta-toeSam: Aaaaaaaah!!

Pip: Gollum u is mean let go of my frnd rit no i m sris i wl hrt u if u dont let go of hm. U ned 2 let go of hm.

ThePantslessWonder: Ooh, we accidentally took a selfie, precious! Then let us upload it, my love. *gollum, gollum*

Po-ta-toeSam: Ow…. *rubs neck*

Merryisawesome: *hugs Sam*

ThePantslessWonder: image

Gandalfthewhite: That is disturbing.

Leggsielovesarrows: I’M MORE PRETTY THAN YOU OR ANYONE!!!!

Gimlithegreat: No… please, no…

Leggsielovesarrows: FEAR MY PERFECTION!

image

MY HANDSOMENESS!!!

image

MY –

Gimlithegreat: image

Leggsielovesarrows: What.

Gimlithegreat: I took it after the battle when you were filthy.

Leggsielovesarrows: What.

Po-ta-toeSam: It hurts… ow…

Gimlithegreat: Couldn’t resist.

Leggsielovesarrows: I hate you so much.

Pip: I m telng u Legolas figwit haz mre fangirls thn u.

Po-ta-toeSam: I’m just gonna make this quick. *cuts Gollum with a sword, runs after Frodo*

ThePantslessWonder: Owwwie!

Po-ta-toeSam has left the chat.

ThePantslessWonder: Stupid hobbit, you won’t get away so easy!

ThePantslessWonder has left the chat.

Pip: Yessssss go Sam.

Merryisawesome: And we’ve arrived at the battlefield, so…

Merryisawesome has left the chat

Pip has left the chat

Elendilsheir has left the chat

Leggsielovesarrows: If my hatred is a volcano, Frodo could destroy the Ring in it. That’s how hot it is.

Gimlithegreat: Well, then you’d die, and I’d put makeup all over your corpse and bury you that way.

Gandalfthewhite: Wrap it up you two, we have a battle.

Gandalfthewhite has left the chat.

Leggsielovesarrows: I hate you.

Gimlithegreat: We’re gonna die soon. I’m dying side by side with an elf.

Leggsielovesarrows: What about side by side with an enemy?

Gimlithegreat: Aye, I could do that.

Leggsielovesarrows has left the chat

Gimlithegreat has left the chat.

THE END.

Lord of the Rings Fanfiction

HILARIOUS: Land of Shadow chapter put through several layers of Google translate.

Original first chapter:

~~~

It hurts.

Every step. Every minute. Every mile. It hurts to walk, it hurts to breathe. It hurts to live. I want so, so badly to just lay down, give up, and die. But I can’t. If I do, the ring will be found, Middle-Earth will fall, everything will die. Everyone will die. But I can’t go another step, not yet. I collapse to the ground.

And then Sam’s there kneeling beside me. “You okay?” he asks.

I glance up and force a weak smile. Ugh, even that hurts. “I’m fine.”

“Liar.”

I hold out my arm. “Help me up, would you?”

He takes it and pulls me to my feet. I take a few steps and then fall. Sam pulls me up again. I fall again. Sam helps me up and throws my arm over his shoulder, putting his across my back, and leaning on him I stumble onwards, towards the mountain of fire. We travel on for about half an hour before finally I can’t go on any more. I slip my arm off Sam’s shoulder and curl up on the ground, burying my face in my arms and trying not to cry. It hurts so badly. The chain is cutting into my neck. My head is throbbing. My body is weary, and my mind in pain. Sam seems to sense this and does not say anything, instead takes his blanket out, covers me with it, and then sits next to me until I fall asleep.

But even sleep is not a comfort, for all my dreams are filled with darkness and evil and fire. I watch as orcs swarm the Shire and set everything aflame. Then the scene shifts to show Rivendell being overthrown, elves tossed left and right as though they were rag dolls. And then the orcs kill a smaller figure. Bilbo! No! And as I watch, all the lands of Middle-Earth – Gondor and Rohan and Lorien – are covered in darkness and destroyed. Orcs trample the fair green grass and white and gold flowers, and smash the inhabitants of the lands into oblivion. Dead. Destroyed. Gone. Two young boys rush out, no, they’re hobbits, flanked by an elf and a dwarf, and a man. All are bearing weapons. All begin to fight valiantly, hacking, slashing, shooting. All are slaughtered mercilessly. Only after do I recognize them as my companions, the other members of the Company who are – or were – still alive.

And then I watch as Sam scrambles over boulders and hard ground. An orc is honing in on him. It nocks an arrow. I scream. I try to rush forward and put myself between the arrow and my best friend. It feels like I’m running through water – easy at first, but slowly becoming harder. I scream until I’m drowning in the sound of my own agony. The orc releases the arrow, and it strikes Sam in the heart. He gasps and grabs it, shock written all over his face. He turns towards me and our eyes meet for one brief heart-stopping moment. His lips form my name. And then he’s gone.

With a cry, I sit bolt upright. Tears cloud my vision. It takes a few seconds for me to realize where I am – in Mordor.

“Frodo!” Sam’s suddenly by my side with his hand on my shoulder. I look up at him, and he is alive, and the horror was only a dream. But it seemed so real. I throw my arms around him and clutch him like the world will end tomorrow.

Well, for all I know, it will.

“What’s the matter?” Sam asks. “Bad dreams?”

I hide my face in his shoulder and whisper, “yes.”

Sam holds me for a little while and lets me cry, knowing not to say anything. He’s good like that. Finally he lets go and holds me out at arm’s length by my shoulders. “It’s not real. You know it’s not real.”

I nod, swiping away more tears.

“You’re safe,” he reminds me. “Nothing will hurt you.”

“I know, you’ve told me this a hundred times.”

Sam smiles. His eyes scan my face. “You look terrible.”

“So do you.”

And then we’re both laughing because, of course we look terrible. I have a hideous scratch down my cheekbone and black cuts all over my neck from where the ring has cut me. Sam has dirt streaked across his nose and face, so much that I can’t even see his freckles anymore. And of course we’re both sweating like crazy. Why oh why did the orcs feel the need to wear such hot clothes?

We stop laughing once a tremor from the mountain rumbles the ground. I duck and cover my ears as more spasms of pain come and wrack my body. Sam pulls me up into his arms and he’s still holding me when I lose consciousness and fall back to sleep.

He wakes me gently, but I still feel irritated, because all I really want to do is rest. *See? He’s useless. All he does is bother you.* No, I’d be dead without him. The Ring is messing with me. I can’t let it turn me against my best friend.

So I eat a little lembas and drink some water, and then we start off again across the land of shadow.

~~~

Google translate warped first chapter:

~~~

It hurts.

Each step. Every minute. Each shaft. One breath hurt, it hurts to walk. It hurts to live. I, therefore, only definition that is very bad, and stopped dead. But I can not. If I did, the collapse of the Rings Middle Earth, you will all die. All they will die. But I just can not take another step. I fell to the ground.

And Sam beside me on the knee. “How are you?” Question.

I looked up and forced a weak smile. Ugh, it still hurts. “I’m fine.”

“Liar.”

To stretch my arm. “True, you help me?”

Stand takes me. I took a few steps then fell. Sam pulls me back. Again it decreases. Sam bending over on his back and put his fire stumbling toward the mountains, it helps me and throws his arm over his shoulder. We went about a half hour before finally being able to go forward. I bury his face in his arms and trying to cry, put my shoulder and snuggle place Sam arm. It hurts so much. String neck cut. My head is throbbing. My mind, my body was tired and in pain. Sam sat up with me sleeping, or rather it seems to hear nothing more than a blanket covering me and say.

Even sleep is dark and full of evil and fire all my dreams not ease. Everywhere in the area and the fire seems to be swarming with Orcs. Then the scene changes to show the opposite Rivendell elves were thrown like rag dolls from another party. And then the Orcs kill less. Bilbo! No! As I see it, all the countries of Middle Earth – Gondor and Rohan and Lorien – is covered in darkness and destroyed. Orcs just green grass and white flowers and gold back and crush forgotten people. Dead. Destroyed. Thing. Two leaks, no, they are elves and dwarves and hobbits are surrounded by a man. Everyone gives their weapons. Each shooting, cutting, hacking, start fighting bravely. All were massacred without mercy. Or had – – Only I do still alive, my colleagues, other members of the community, I understand.

And then we see Sam climbs rocks and hard ground. A giant great. An arrow nock of. I’m crying. I run back and colleagues and try to put between my best friend. Easy at first glance, but gradually got stronger – it feels as though the water meeting. I cry as noise to drown my pain. Sam spears and arrows hit the giant heart. He grimaces and victory, shock written on his face. He turns to me and our eyes met for a short time attack. Lips form my name. And then he disappeared.

A scream, I feel good. Tears blurred my vision. In Mordor – It takes a few seconds to realize where I was.

“Frodo!” Sam next to me suddenly, his hand on my shoulder. Look at him and he was just a dream life and fear. But it seemed so real. I throw my arms around him and seized as the world will end tomorrow.

Okay, I know so.

“What happened?” Sam asks. “Bad dreams?”

I hide my face on his shoulder and whispered, “Yes.”

Sam keeps me without knowing me for a while and say something, let him cry. It is also good. Finally let myself go and tend his arms stretched shoulder. “That’s not true. You know, that’s not true.”

I have to avoid more tears, shook her head.

“You’re safe,” he recalls. “Nothing will hurt you.”

“I know you told me a hundred times.”

Sam smiled. Eyes aside. “You have a bad one.”

“Same way”.

And then we both, because, of course, laughed terribly welcome. I ring the cheeks and neck are black glasses which were cut me a terrible scratch. Ground with Sam nose and face, then I can not see even have scratches on her freckles. And of course, we’re sweating like crazy. Why, oh why Orcs warm clothes you feel the need for this type of use?

When the rumbling stopped laughing a concussion mountain terrain. Most pain and spasms duck and cover their ears as they come ruined body. Sam pulls me into his lap and I lost consciousness and when she still keeps me back to sleep.

I gently wake you up, but do you really want to do anything because I still feel uncomfortable. * See? This is useless. All it does is that it bothered you. * No, I would die without it. The ring is to play with me. I can not allow you to go against my best friend..

Lembas and drinking some water and then restart the land of the shadow.

~~~

I was laughing soooo hard as I proof-read this. I notice it had trouble figuring out whether Sam was male or female. This is probably due to Sam being a name that can go for either gender, and also that some languages have masculine and feminine nouns, so they may have interpreted it differently. I have no idea how it changed “I curl up on the ground” to, “put my shoulder and snuggle place Sam arm”. What is that even supposed to mean? Also, the word “arms” somehow became, “lap”, which makes no sense, as your arms and your lap are totally different parts of your anatomy. Somehow “you look terrible” becomes, “you have a bad one.” Again, what in the world? Still, this was absolutely hysterical. I just might google translate all of my fanfictions.

What do you want to see translated next?

Lord of the Rings Fanfiction

Hobbit Drabbles

Here are some drabbles about the hobbits (Frodo Sam Merry Pippin Rosie and maybe Bilbo) that I wrote when I was bored. I may use double drabbles here and there, maybe triples.

1. Friends

Their friendship group sort of started by chance. Merry and Pippin had been inseperable for about two years. Sam had been working for Frodo for eight months. Rosie had just moved to the hole next to Pippin’s. But then one day while Merry and Pippin were visiting Frodo and Sam was working outside, Rosie walked by, and the five realized they all had some connection to one another. They started hanging out.

And then they never stopped.

2. Crush

First she was his friend. Then she was his good friend. Then suddenly Rosie Cotton is the most gorgeous girl in the world and she is all Sam ever thinks about. Wherever he goes, she’s on his mind. Every time he sees her his heart pounds like crazy and he forgets how to breathe. Then one day, he works up the courage to ask her out. The boys who follow her around are furious. Nobody can quite believe it when she says yes. But she does.

3. Book

Bilbo started the book when he was sixty – ten years after his adventure. He took Frodo in when he was twelve – to young to care much about writing – but about five years later the boy took an interest in it, and so Bilbo got an editor while Frodo got an education. They loved it. Neither wanted to finish it. And so, one day, Frodo tells him that they will always have to have adventures so the book will never end.

4. Hugs

Elves don’t believe, or engage, in physical affection the way humans do. No hugging, no hand-holding, very little kissing. But Legolas still thinks it’s sweet how every morning, Pippin throws his little arms around each member of the fellowship in turn, whether they say they want it or not. Secretly though, none of them mind, because Pippin’s the sort of person no one can help but love.

5. Apples

Merry loves apples. Estella Bolger has the most bontiful tree in the Shire. Merry has a crush on Estella. She’s Rosie’s best friend, so Merry begs Rosie day in and day out to convince Estella to sell him a basket of apples. But Rosie laughs and walk away. Finally he hurtles the fence to the Bolger’s yard, shimmies up the branches, and picks one. He’s halfway through it, when he realizes those are crabapples, and at that, extremely sour crabapples. And he can hear Rosie and Estella laughing at him from the ground below.

6. Sleep

Aragorn, Gandalf, and Boromir sleep like normal people. Legolas wanders around with his eyes open, in Elvish dreams. Gimli almost always stays up at night, watching. But the hobbits are always together. Sometimes they grab all their blankets and make a little nest to sink down into. Sometimes they push their “beds” together. Sometimes Pippin sprawls all over the place, with his skinny arms around Merry’s neck, and sometimes Frodo falls asleep with his head in Sam’s lap. But they’re always close to each other. Boromir finds it ridiculous. Aragorn thinks it’s the cutest thing in the world, but of course he doesn’t say so.

7. Troll Tales

“…and that, Master Took, is how I killed a troll.” Bilbo sits back, puffing his pipe, while Pippin stares at him. He’s only fifteen, so the thought of a troll terrifies him. He admired Bilbo before, now he is in awe of him. This is incredible. He skips out the gate, runs to find Merry, to tell him every detail.

“You shouldn’t elaborate so, Uncle,” Frodo scolds, because he’s heard the real story – the one where Gandalf killed the trolls. Bilbo shrugs, amused, and turns back to his work.

8. Relatives

One night while they’re all bundled in their blankets, Pippin realizes Sam is not related to the rest of them. In his mind, this counts as a crisis, so he shakes them all awake. “Why isn’t Sam our cousin?” he asks Merry.

Merry rubs sleep from his eyes and says, “because, he’s not related to us.”

“Why not?”

“People can’t choose who they’re related to,” Sam says.

Pippin thinks for a minute. Then he asks Merry,

“If he were Frodo’s brother, he’d be our cousin, right?”

Sam doesn’t know what he should say. Merry smiles a little and says that yes, that would make them all relatives.

“Okay.” Pippin snuggles back down into his blanket. “From now on, you two are brothers.” His worries set at ease, he falls back asleep. Merry does likewise.

Frodo reaches out in the darkness and tangles his fingers through Sam’s. “Just so you know, I am completely okay with that,” he says.

Sam gives his hand a squeeze. “Me, too.”

9. Flowers and Romance

Rosie loves flowers. That’s partly why she loves Sam, but also it’s because of his smile, his loyalty, his singing, the way that he can make everything seem alright just by looking at you. And his hopefulness. She twirls the last rose he gave her before he disappeared. They say he’s not coming back. She doesn’t believe it. She can’t. As long as she’s alive, she’ll have to believe he is too, because the thought of living without him is just too unbearable.

10. Snacks

Merry and Pippin are the worst trouble makers in the Shire. Rosie always has to check under the windowsill before she sets a pie or a tray of cookies there, because often two hungry little hobbits will be crouched beneath it, lying in wait for a free snack.

11. Green Dragon

They always gather at the inn on weekends, and sometimes on weekdays, too. Rosie works there. Bilbo sits by the fire reliving his adventures to anyone who cares to listen. Merry and Pippin run around snitching what they can while they wait for their food to arrive. Sam and Frodo watch their friends, chat a bit, and when the two rascals come back, the four of them reflect on how lucky they are to live a stone’s throw from their favorite place. They’ll hold on to these memories when they’re out in the wild, when laughter is rare and evil surrounds them. They’ll miss this, once they have heard of Mordor. Once Frodo has recieved the Ring.

12. Cry

Sam can’t stand to watch to watch Frodo hold in the tears. He’s been through so much. They both have. And there’s no one to hear him, so why not let it out? No one to hear except Sam. And he knows from experience that holding back sobs is one of the worst things you can do when you’re hurting. Finally one night Frodo lies down and turns away from him, burying his face in his hands to try to muffle the cries he can’t hold in anymore, and Sam finally does what he’s been wanting to do for days. He grabs Frodo, pulls him into his arms, and holds him tight. Frodo clings to him, weeping, and all the while Sam caresses his hair and cradles him close, whispering, “go ahead and cry.”

And somehow those words are the only thing Frodo needs to hear.

13. The Memories of the Fallen

Bilbo remembers Thorin, Fili, and Kili. Hardly a day passes without some memory of them floating into his mind. They died fighting for their home, for all that was rightfully theirs, but they also died for their friends. And that meant for him. Bilbo figured that remembering them was the best way to honor them. So he made himself write something about them, or read one of his past entries, whenever he could. And now he tells their stories to everyone who wants listen – and to some people who don’t. But he also lives, lives the life Thorin had to told him to enjoy, to fulfill. Even though they are no longer part of it.

14. First Kiss

The first time Rosie kissed Sam was at Bilbo’s party.

Right after Mr. Baggins disappeared, there was so much confusion that they were able to slip away unnoticed, into the woods bordering the party field. She had been waiting for weeks, wondering if he’d kiss her, before finally realizing he was way too shy for that sort of thing. She had resolved to take matters into her own hands. So once they were a good hundred yards into the woods, she pushed him up against a tree and kissed him. He only hesitated a second before kissing her back.

After that, he wasn’t so shy around her anymore.

15. Palantir

Pippin is daring, crazy, and even reckless. Combine that with the fact that he’s a Took, a curious “tween”, and mischief is bound to come. Merry’s seen him get scraped knees and bruises from his adventures, from meddling into things he shouldn’t have…

…but never in his life has he seen Pippin like this, lying on his back so pale and cold, the black-and-red stone lying where it fell beside his hand. Merry realizes he’s screaming, shaking Pippin and screaming for him to wake up. Gandalf places a hand on the hobbit’s brow and chants some words. Pippin comes to. He’ll be okay. But that night, Merry can’t help but cry, thinking about what could have happened, and knowing that tomorrow Pippin will be going to Minas Tirith. Beyond his reach.

16. Frodo’s Cooking

Merry and Pippin sleep over at Bag End a lot, which is nice, because they love spending time with their cousin. Usually Sam comes too, but tonight he’s out on a date with Rosie, so he won’t arrive until after supper. This is bad because neither Frodo, Merry, or Pippin know how to cook. Finally Frodo marches into the kitchen and attempts to whip something up, hoping he’ll be able to cook and clean up before Sam gets here.

Two hours later Sam walks in to find that Frodo has succesfully given both of his cousins food poisoning, nearly singed his hands off, and worst of all, they’re all still hungry.

He makes supper for them, but he can’t stop laughing at the miserable looks on their faces and the charred disaster that was Frodo’s cooking.

16. Elvish Lessons

Bilbo starts teaching Frodo Quenya and Sindarian when the lad is only twenty. He picks it up instantly.

“You’re a smart boy, Frodo,” Bilbo tells him as he watches his nephew churn out sentences in his smooth, flowing hand. Frodo smiles, his face lighting up like a star, the way it always does when Bilbo praises him.

17. Eyes

Merry’s eyes are grey, constantly watching over Pippin, keeping him safe and making sure he’s not getting into trouble.

Pippin’s are grey too, but lighter than Merry’s, always on the lookout for mischief and food.

Sam’s eyes are hazel, and so deep you can’t help but wonder if by looking too long, you could drown yourself in that warm gaze.

Frodo is one of the only hobbits with blue eyes. But not just any blue eyes – the most enormous, piercing, beautiful blue eyes in not only the Shire, but possibly the whole world. His stare can freeze you or make you melt. But when he laughs, those eyes sparkle, and everyone stops to watch.

18. Cirith Ungol

In the top of the tower, the lower stories of which are filled with dead orcs, Sam finds Frodo lying curled up on the floor. He’s bruised, bleeding, stripped to the waist, and clearly very dehydrated. He also looks like he’s about to pass out any second. Sam rushes to his side and turns him over gently. Frodo looks up at him. “Sam?” he whispers through parched, bleeding lips. “Am I still dreaming?” Sam’s eyes fill with tears.

“No Mr. Frodo, it’s real. It’s me. I’m here.”He kisses him on the forehead. “I’m here.”

The two pull each other into an embrace of blood and joy and pain and friendship and tears and tenderness. And then Frodo lies back in Sam’s arms and falls asleep, while Sam holds him feeling an overwhelming sense of relief at finding him. Though they’re in Mordor, this is the happiest he has felt on the whole journey.

And Frodo is at peace, because he knows he’ll be safe in Sam’s arms.

19. Watching Death

Boromir was wounded right before Merry and Pippin’s eyes. They charged at his attacker, but were carried off by the Uruk Hai – right before the warrior was killed. While the orcs are holding them captive, Merry covers Pippin’s eyes every time the beasts kill one of their own. During the attack on Isengard, the orcs were all washed away bloodlessly.

While he’s in Gondor, Pippin witnesses a battle. Gandalf is there, but so are orcs, hundreds of orcs. And one  of them is getting dangerously close to the wizard. Pippin draws his sword and stabs it in the gut. And the he realizes that the first time he saw death up close, he was the one to bring it about.

And there’s no Merry to cover his eyes.

20. Council

“Why should we allow you to accompany the Ringbearer?” Elrond asks. “Have you skill in battle?”

Merry, Pippin, and Sam glance at each other and shake their heads. “No.”

“Knowledge of survival in the wild, then?”

“No.”

“Wisdom in battle strategy?”

“No.”

“Then why should we send you?”

Sam answers for all of them. “Because we’re his friends, and we love him, and hobbits stick together.”

Elrond lets them go.

21. Girlfriends

Pearl and Marigold are Pippin and Sam’s sisters. They hang out with Rosie a lot. Frodo has pretended to have a crush on all three of those girls at some point or another. He doesn’t really love any of them, but everyone else has a girlfriend, so he feels like he should, too. But then Sam starts going out with Rosie, and Pearl starts going out with Fredegar Bolger. So there’s only Marigold left. And then Frodo realizes if he married Marigold, he’d be Sam’s brother for real. But Marigold has resolved to stay single and raise cats.

Sam hugs Frodo and tells him they’re brothers whether or not they were born that way, and he doesn’t need to go out with Marigold to make that official. And Frodo decides to give up on the whole girlfriend thing.

22. Nightmares

Nights in Gondor are tough. The Ring’s been destroyed, true, but Frodo, Merry, Pippin, and Sam are suffering, and it will be a while till they can go home. Each of them has woken up screaming from nightmares, because each of them have seen things nobody should.

They were each given their own bed. But the beds are human sized – and enormous, even for a human. Certainly big enough for four weary, frigthened, broken hobbits. So they all just sleep in Frodo’s bed, and throughout the night when they wake up screaming, they hold each other and remember that there is still goodness in the world, that there is still friendship, that there is still each other. And that’s how they stay sane in those agonizing, sleepless nights.

23. River

Merry likes to swim, and he’s teaching Pippin. Sam’s terrified by the thought. Rosie loves it. Frodo stays on land, not because he has anything against swimming, but because he has so much against water.

His parents died by drowning, after all.

24. Poetry

Bilbo recites songs he has composed – all the time. Frodo likes to listen to the songs, but even better than that, he liked to lean against the door and listen to Sam singing them while he works. Because when Sam sings, you sort of forget that the world exists.

25. Grey Havens

Bilbo is already on board the ship. Rosie is waiting at home for Sam.

Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin are standing on the dock staring at each other.

These are cousins, best friends, people who have been to the end of the world and back together, and who are now about to say goodbye. Frodo has been hurt beyond repair. He can’t stay. To stay is to suffer for eternity, and really, thirteen months of Ring-bearing was enough for him.

He hugs Merry first. Merry, who is so bright, so loving, who sees the good in the world, who Frodo will miss. Merry’s tears fall freely. He doesn’t want his cousin to leave. Softly, Frodo murmus, “I love you, Merry.” And then he lets him go and turns to Pippin.

Pippin’s sobbing. He squeezes Frodo so tight that neither of them can breathe. Frodo smiles sadly as he hugs Pippin, Pippin, who is so young, so curious. Who Frdoo got to watch grow up on the journey. Who he will never get to finish watching grow up. “I love you, Pippin,” Frodo whispers. Pippin chokes with tears as they release each other.

Then Frodo turns towards Sam. They can’t say anything. They run to each other and embrace like the world is about to fall. Sam’s tears spill onto Frodo’s already soaked shoulder. And all Frodo can think about is how unfair this is, that he destroyed the Ring, but at the same time it destroyed him, and now he’s losing Sam. But Sam was a Ringbearer, too, if only for a little while. Some day he can follow. And that hope is the only thing that can make Frodo let go. But it’s not enough. He takes Sam’s face into his hands, stands on his toes, and kisses his forehead. Sam shuts his eyes tight, knowing that soon this is only going to be a memory, and trying to freeze this moment, the touch of Frodo’s hands on his face, the feeling of this final kiss, the knowledge that it will be many years before they meet again. Slowly, Frodo lets Sam go. He steps back a few feet. “I love you, Sam,” he says softly, and he turns and boards the ship.

Just before it sails, Frodo turns and faces his friends. They are all crying. Merry’s arm is around Pippin’s shoulder. Sam holds the Red Book, which Frodo entrusted to him. Frodo can already feel the pain in his heart slipping away. He smiles at the people he loves more than anyone in the world he is about to leave. And they manage to smile back. The ship departs, and finally, Frodo is at peace.

Sam turns around before leaving the harbor. His eyes lock onto Frodo’s, sparkling across the sea. Just before the ship passes into the west, through the curtain of Silver Glass, a thought passes between them.

“You and I will meet again.”

And then Frodo fades rom view, and Sam turns, takes a dep breath, and begins the journey home.

Lord of the Rings Fanfiction

Aragorn x Eowyn

Summary and fanfiction contain several spoilers.

A very dear friend of mine is a huge Arawyn shipper. She says that she feels as though she is riding a ship down a river, and then she sees a cannon that is labeled Aragorn x Arwen, and it sinks her ship. So she asked me, “please H.G., will you do me a favor and write a fanfiction where Aragorn ends up with Eowyn and post it on your blog?” And I said, “Sure…” even though I ship Arwenagorn pretty hard… because I ship Farawyn too.. but still I suppose one Arawyn fanfic won’t hurt. So here we go. Read and review.

~~~

Aragorn rushed into the houses of healing as Eowyn, Faramir, and Merry were placed into beds. All were unconcious.

“My lord,” gasped the healer, examining Eowyn’s arm. “The lady Eowyn?… This wound is that of a sword.”

“And not any mere sword,” Aragorn said grimly. “She has been cut by the blade of the Witch-King of Angmar, leader of the Nazgûl.”

The healer drew in his breath. “What can be done for her, my lord?”

“Gather Athelas and bandages.” He turned to see a blank look in the healer’s eyes. “Athelas!” he said. “Kingsfoil!”

“Of course, my lord,” the healer said bowing.

“Enough of that, just go find some!” Aragorn practically screamed. The healer nodded and shuffled out, not nearly fast enough, Aragorn thought as he turned back to his charge. Eowyn was lying still and cold, her face pale. Aragorn was struck suddenly by how beautiful she was. He reached out a trembling hand, brushed back the hair spilling onto Eowyn’s cheek and let his hand rest there. A shudder ran through her body, and her head tilted slightly, pressing her soft cheek closer into Aragorn’s weathered, calloused hand. A sigh escaped her fair lips and she lay still again. Aragorn felt a few tears slip out of his eyes, rolling down his face and dropping onto the still form of Rohan’s princess. He bent down and whispered, “my lady, you must recover. Your people have great need of you. And I -” He felt more tears escape. Aragorn, the proud ranger, the heir of Elendil, never cried. “I need you too, Eowyn,” he finished, and without another word pressed his lips against hers.

Eowyn’s eyes flickered open. “Ara…g..g…” she gasped.

“Eowyn!” Aragorn clasped her hands tightly. “Rest, Eowyn. All will be well. I’m here.” He bent his head down onto her hands. “I did not mean those things I said. Forgive me, Eowyn.”

Eowyn smiled, then sank into unconciousness.

“My lord?” the healer asked, appearing at Aragorn’s side.

“Give me the Athelas,” Aragorn said without taking his eyes off Eowyn’s face.

The healer pressed a few leaves into his hands.

“Leave us.”

“My lord.” The healer bowed and left.

Aragorn rolled up Eowyn’s sleeve and began to tend her wound. He would cure her. And then he would never, ever, put her into danger again.

~~~

So, watcha think?… My friend should be happy with this. To all Arwenagorn and Farawyn shippers, I apologize. To my friend: I do not apologize! Now I need to write some Sarose fics, no?

Lord of the Rings Fanfiction

The Death of Samwise Gamgee: A heartbreaking LotR fanfic

The Death of Samwise Gamgee

Aiya everybody!
A few days ago, my mother said that Lord of the Rings was unrealistic because both Frodo and Sam could not possibly have lived. She said one of them should die, and that one should be Sam, because it would be more emotional and traumatizing for the reader. I was shocked and horrified. Sam, the cute, happy, frying-pan-wielding gardener? She wanted him to DIE? I reminded her of the things that Sam had done for his best friend, Frodo, and for all the people of Middle-Earth. Didn’t he deserve to live? To marry his girlfriend and be happy? He’d suffered so much! Yes, she said, and that was exactly why he should die.

To show her how completely wrong she was, I decided to write a fanfiction where that very thing happened. Where Sam died and everyone who loved him was heart broken. Then she would see! Then she would regret ever saying something so cruel! So, here it is. Sam deserved the life he was given and the freedom he got. This will contain spoilers. It will be sad and it will possibly make you cry. Enjoy it, or even better don’t, and then leave your comments to tell my mom how horrible her thought was. Note: I stole some of these quotes, but changed them slightly. ^.^

~~~
“I’m glad you are here with me,” Frodo whispered through parched, chapped lips. “Here at the end of all things, Sam.”
“Yes, I’m here with you, master,” Sam said, taking Frodo’s maimed hand gently. “And you’re with me. And the journey’s finished.”
Frodo sighed contentedly and lay back against the rock they rested on. Lava and fire fell around them, and already the rock was an island. Soon it would be covered completely. The two hobbits had made their journey knowing it would likely end in death, but had tried to forget in their terror. Now, however, looking right into Death’s eyes, they felt no fear, instead a strange combination of joy and sadness. The ring was gone. Frodo’s burden was taken away. And they were together. But they would not see home again.
“Sam…” Frodo murmured, his eyes closed. “I can see the Shire…. Bag End… the Brandywine River… Gandalf’s fireworks… the lights in the party tree…”
Sam gulped and added softly, “Rosie Cotton dancing. She had ribbons in her hair. She was so beautiful.”
Frodo opened his eyes and looked at Sam.
“If ever I was to marry someone,”Sam went on, “it would have been her.” A single tear traced its way down his cheek. “It would have been her.”
Frodo got up and embraced his best friend tenderly. “I’m sorry, Sam.” He leaned his head against Sam’s. “But I’m glad you’re here with me.”
“So am I.”
The two hobbits lay down at last, giving up and surrendering to death. Night fell on the day of the ring’s downfall and found them side by side, hand in hand.
“Frodo,” Sam whispered. It hurt to speak, but he knew he had to.
“Yes?” Frodo murmured.
“I… love…” He gasped for breath, and his voice failed him. It hardly mattered. As soon as it did so, Frodo lost consciousness.

Frodo awoke to find himself lying in a soft white bed.He lay still, staring up at the ceiling, trying to piece together what had happened. He had passed out on Mount Doom. The ring was gone. Then wasn’t he dead? Slowly, Frodo,placed his hand on his chest and felt his heart beating. He was alive. He had gone to sleep beside…
Frodo sat bolt upright. Sam! Where was Sam? He should be here too.
“Well, well,” a voice said. Frodo saw suddenly that sitting in a chair beside his bed was an old man dressed all in white, smoking a clay pipe. “I was beginning to think you would not wake.”
“Gandalf?!” Frodo exclaimed. “I thought you were dead! But then, I thought I was dead myself.”
“That you are not,” Gandalf said, smiling. “You are in the land of Ithilien, in the keeping of the King, and he has tended you.”
“King? What king?”
“You shall meet him soon, or should I say, you will meet him again. I daresay you shall recognize him. Your cousins are here, too.”
“Merry and Pippin? They’re here?”
“Surprise!” shouted a cheerful voice, and the door burst open. In ran Frodo’s cousins Merry and Pippin, and they jumped onto his bed tackling him in a huge hug.
“We missed you!” Pippin chirped, throwing his arms around Frodo’s neck.
“Pip, you’re going to smother him,” Merry laughed.
Frodo laughed too, and finally they let go of him and sat down on the bed in front of him. Their smiles were wide, but Frodo noticed that their eyes were sad.
“Legolas and Gimli are here too,” Pippin said. “They’re off fighting somewhere probably, but don’t worry. They’re friends now.”
“Strider’s nearby,” Merry said. “With his GIRLFRIEND. The elf, Arwen, you know her –“
“She’s really pretty,” Pippin interrupted. “She gave me a hug. I thought I was going to pass out.”
Frodo smiled. Then the smile slipped off. “Wait a minute,” he said. “Where’s Sam?”
Merry and Pippin bit their lips and glanced at Gandalf.. “Frodo…”
“Where is he?” Frodo asked, sitting up and looking hard at both of them.
“We didn’t want to tell you until you’d recov-“
“WHERE IS HE, GANDALF.”
Pippin’s eyes filled with tears. “He didn’t…” he whispered.
Frodo stared at him. “He didn’t wake up yet you mean. That’s what you mean. Right?”
Merry buried his face in his hands.
Gandalf came over and sat on the edge of the bed, laying his hand on Frodo’s shoulder. “Frodo,” he said gently. “There is something we need to tell you.”
“No,” Frodo said, covering his ears. “Stop it. I don’t want to hear it. You’re all being horrible.”
Gandalf took Frodo’s hands and pulled them away from his ears. “Frodo, Sam is dead.”
Frodo looked up at Gandalf, his eyes wide with shock and horror. “He’s what?” he whispered.
“He is dead,” Gandalf repeated. “He died a hero. I guided the eagles to Mount Doom. They l lifted the two of you from the mountain and brought you back here.”
“You were still breathing, but only barely,” Merry said. “Strider and a whole group of healers were working on you. They gave you mouth-to-mouth and some medicine.”
“They bandaged the place your finger used to be,” Pippin added. “And they cleaned you up and washed all your wounds.”
“But Sam was already gone,” Merry went on, tears falling down his rosy cheeks. “I checked myself. At first I didn’t believe it. But then I had to accept it. He wasn’t breathing. His heart had stopped, and he didn’t have a pulse.”
“That was a few days ago,” Gandalf said. “They brought you here. And then they buried Sam in a grand ceremony. All of Gondor came to pay their respects, and many of Rohan’s people, and the elves. Even some dwarves were in attendance to honor the hobbit who assisted in the destruction of the Ring.”
Frodo listened to the entire horrifying story, open-mouthed. “Sam’s dead?” he said again.
Merry and Pippin caught Frodo as he sank back down in a dead faint. A few moments later he opened his eyes again. “He’s dead?” he wept. Tears were pouring from his eyes and screams tore his throat. Merry and Pippin stroked Frodo’s back as sobs racked his body.
“I’m sorry, Frodo,” Gandalf said. “We all loved him.”
“What are we going to tell Rosie?” Pippin asked.
Gandalf looked confused. “Who’s Rosie?”
“Didn’t you know?” Merry asked. “She’s a girl from the Shire. Sam was in love with her.”
Gandalf tried to look as though his heart hadn’t just broken.
Frodo looked up. “You don’t get it, do you?” he whispered. “Sam died for me. He gave me all the food and all the water, and he carried me up the mountain on his shoulders. He didn’t have enough strength! He overexerted himself. I should have told him not to! I should have made him drink more and eat more! It’s all my fault! He’s dead because of me!”
“It’s not your fault, Frodo,” Pippin soothed him.
“IT IS! IT’S ALL MY FAULT! I KILLED MY BEST FRIEND!”
“You didn’t kill him, Frodo!” Merry pleaded. “It wasn’t your fault!”
Frodo tore himself away from his cousins. Then, worn out, he collapsed onto the bed, burying his eyes in his arms and sobbing his heart out. Pippin tucked a blanket around his shoulders. He kissed Frodo on the forehead. Merry did likewise, and they climbed off the bed soundlessly. Gandalf ushered them out of the room, took a long, sad look at Frodo lying weeping in the bed, and followed the hobbits out.

Frodo slept in overwhelmed fits of sorrow. When he was awake, he thought of Sam. Images filled his mind of Sam singing, smiling, holding him, doing everything he could to make Frodo happy. When he slept, his dreams were filled with darkness, pain and fire. He would wake up screaming and then cry even harder because Sam wasn’t there to comfort him. Finally in late afternoon he was woken by a cool hand on his brow. His big blue eyes fluttered open, to lock onto the image of a handsome young man with brown eyes and long golden hair.
“Legolas,” Frodo breathed.
Legolas smiled sadly. “How are you feeling?”
“Awful,” Frodo admitted, fresh tears filling his eyes. “Is Gimli here?”
“Yes, but he’s blocking me,” Gimli said, stepping out from behind Legolas. “Hello, lad.”
Frodo smiled weakly.
“I’m sorry about Sam,” Legolas said. “I liked him. He made me laugh. And he liked flowers and plants, too, which I respect of course.”
“He listened to the tales of my ancient ancestors,” Gimli commented. “He alone, of all the fellowship. And I think he actually enjoyed them.”
Frodo nodded, unable to think of anything to say.
“Merry and Pippin are with Aragorn in the citadel,” Legolas said. “We came to see how you’re doing. Do you want to see where they buried him?”
“Can I?” Frodo asked.
“Technically, no,” Gimli replied. “The king wants you to recover first. But we snuck here to take you all the same. If you want to see him, they should allow you to. But if you don’t think you can face it, then you should stay here.”
“You’d do that?” Frodo asked, surprised. “Won’t the king be angry?”
Legolas extended a slender hand and pulled Frodo to his feet. “That’s what friends are for, Frodo. Do you want to see it or not?”
“Yes,” Frodo said. He knew he was likely going to break down and cry, but he couldn’t help it. Legolas and Gimli led him out of the tent and through a line of them, up a road to a brook. Beside this was a flowering tree, and underneath it was a headstone that read, “Here lies Samwise Gamgee, hero of all the world.”
Frodo knelt down beside the headstone and ran his fingers over the words chiseled into it. Tears blurred his vision, falling and spattering the freshly turned earth all about him. Legolas and Gimli stood a good ten feet back, giving him space.
“Sam,” Frodo whispered. “I’m sorry that I killed you. I never meant for you to get hurt, but you died for me. I…” he broke off. “Why are you doing this?” he thought. “It isn’t like he can hear you.”
Frodo thought of Sam’s warm brown eyes and felt even worse knowing he had never gotten to say goodbye. He kissed the headstone, as though it were his friend’s brow, and then collapsed forwards over it, unconscious. Legolas rushed to his side, picked him up, and carried him back to his tent. Merry and Pippin were already there.
“Did you –“ Pippin began.
Gimli nodded.
Merry looked down at Frodo’s limp form as Legolas set him in the bed. “Strider won’t be happy.”
“Maybe I don’t care,” Legolas said.
Gimli sighed deeply. “This should not have happened.”
“No, it shouldn’t have.” Legolas stood up and shook back his hair, squaring his shoulders. “But it did. Sam is gone. We must all begin to accept that.”
Frodo stirred and sat up. “Did I pass out again?” he asked.
Legolas nodded, took his hand, and squeezed it. “Don’t be ashamed.”
Frodo bowed his head. “Sam was the best friend I ever had,” he said softly. “I loved him like a brother, and now he’s dead.”
Merry cupped Frodo’s chin and titled it so they were eye-to-eye. “Yes, Frodo. Sam is dead. But you are not. You still have a life to live and things to live it for, and throwing all that aside to cry until your dying day is the worst thing you could possibly do to honor his memory. He would not want you to do that, and he will always live in your thoughts and in your heart.”
Amid his tears, Frodo smiled. “You’ve gone and grown up on me, Merry.” He sighed deeply. “But you’re right. Still, I’m never going to forget him.”
“I’m not telling you to.”
“Okay.” Frodo sank down into his bed again and closed his eyes. The others stayed with him until he fell asleep. Then one by one they slipped away.

In his dreams, Frodo saw Sam standing by his side. His eyes were tearful, but he smiled. Caressing Frodo’s bangs, he whispered, “be strong.”
“But I miss you so much,” Frodo replied. He caught Sam’s hand and pressed it to his cheek. He didn’t want to wake up. Ever.
“Go home, and be happy, like Merry told you,” Sam said. “Tell Rose I’m sorry I didn’t come back for her. And then live the life I died to give you. I knew what I was doing when I gave everything up for you, and I didn’t regret it. Because you are my best friend and I. Love. You.”
Frodo’s eyes filled with tears yet again.
“I will always be with you,” Sam whispered, kissing Frodo’s cheek.

Then Frodo woke up and the dream was gone. He wrenched a hand over his forehead and closed his eyes. Then he opened them, took a deep breath, and stepped out of bed and into the rest of his life.

~~~

There. That is why Sam deserved to live. Because he had something to live for. Rose. (And Frodo.) He did not deserve what I just did to him in that fanfiction, SO THERE MOM!

Lord of the Rings Fanfiction

The Fellowship’s Chatroom

Elendilsheir has joined the chat

Elendilsheir: Am I the only one online right now?

Leggsielovesarrows has joined the chat

Pip has joined the chat

Merryisawesome has joined the chat

Gimlithegreat has joined the chat

Leggsielovesarrows: Nope, I’m here too.

Pip: & me im here 2.

Merryisawesome: Pippin, stop with the text lingo. I already told you that.

Ringbearer has joined the chat

Po-ta-toeSam has joined the chat

Ringbearer: How are you guys all doing?

Gimlithegreat: I’m wasted on cross-country. We dwarves are natural sprinters and yet Aragorn’s making me do all this running around in the battles.

Po-ta-toeSam: Ugh, that stinks.

Leggsielovesarrows: Well, we need to fight the orcs, after all.

Ringbearer: Oh, you guys are fighting the orcs?

Elendilsheir: Why yes, as a matter of fact we’re distracting them while you go to Mordor.

Ringbearer: …

Po-ta-toeSam: …

Ringbearer: Should we tell them?

Gimlithegreat: Tell us what?

Po-ta-toeSam: Yeah, go ahead.

Ringbearer: Um, we’re actually in the middle of the orc army right now.

Merryisawesome: WHAT?!

Pip: O no that iz 2 bad u must get out now 0.0

Merryisawesome: So what are you going to do?

Ringbearer: No idea – wait Sam, that orc is looking at us! He must see the laptops glowing!

Po-ta-toeSam: Ack! What do we do?

Leggsielovesarrows: Turn it off!

Po-ta-toeSam: How do I turn it off?

Ringbearer: Hit the button, obviously!

Po-ta-toeSam: Right you are Mr. Frodo!

Po-ta-toeSam has left the chat

Ringbearer: Talk to you guys later if we don’t die.

Ringbearer has left the chat

Merryisawesome: I hope they’ll be okay…

Pip: Fro is my cuz & I is worried abt him and Sam wht if they cant get away from the orcs that wld b bad.

Gimlithegreat: Can you speak Common Speech please?

Merryisawesome: I think that translates to “Frodo is my cousin and I am worried about him and Sam. What if they can’t get away from the orcs? That would be bad.”

Pip: Yes that is wht I mnt.

Leggsielovesarrows: …

Gimlithegreat: …

Elendilsheir: He called Frodo “Fro”?

Gandalfthewhite has joined the chat

Gandalfthewhite: Hello.

Elendilsheir: GANDALF. *tackle hugs*

Gandalfthewhite: Where’s Frodo and Sam?

Leggsielovesarrows: They’re with the orcs.

Gandalfthewhite: Yikes. That’s a problem.

Gimlithegreat: Yes, it is, and besides all that Aragorn’s making me do all this running around.

Gandalfthewhite: I see.

Leggsielovesarrows: Stop complaining, Gimli.

Pip: Figwit has more fangirls than u Legolas i saw it on the net hes ppulr and famus peple like him he has more fangirls. I have fangirls.

Merryisawesome: I have two or three fangirls.

Leggsielovesarrows: Hello, I have enough fangirls to form a small army.

Pip: Hello, Figwit has enof fangirls to frm a large army. U only has a small rmy dat is funny.

Merryisawesome: Pippin, enough with the chat speak!

Elendilsheir: I have enough fangirls to form a teeny army, but that’s still better than Gandalf who has enough fangirls to form an army where the numbers are all to the right of the decimal point.

Gandalfthewhite: *glower*

Pip: O gosh Strider he has gvn you the gandalf glare i should no I have been gvn it many times wen he sad i was a fool of a took. >.<

Gimlithegreat: I have zero fangirls and that’s okay! You don’t see many dwarf women anyway.

Merryisawesome: I thought the dwarf women are extinct.

Pip: Merry that iz stupid where would the dwarves come frm if they was extnct I ask u.

Leggsielovesarrows: Okay, we’re NOT getting into that.

Gandalfthewhite: …

Gimlithegreat: …

Elendilsheir: …

Merryisawesome: … don’t they just spring out of holes in the ground?

Gimlithegreat: Oh, that’s funny. Do it again, Hahahahahaha!

Pip: ROFLOL

Gandalfthegrey: Fool of a Took, you can’t combine terms in texting lingo.

Meryisawesome: Why?

Gandalfthewhite: Because unless you are a fool – which you are – you don’t use text lingo in the first place!

Pip: Hey dat is mean i m not a fool plz don’t say that u has hurt my feelings.

Po-ta-toeSam rejoined the chat.

Po-ta-toeSam: What’s up, I’m back.

Pip: SAM.

Merryisawesome: Where’s Frodo?

Po-ta-toeSam: He’s asleep.

Leggsielovesarrows: How’s it going for you guys, anyway?

Po-ta-toeSam: Not great.

Gandalf thewhite: Why don’t you send us a picture?

Po-ta-toeSam: image

Leggsielovesarrows: Aw that’s cute.

Pip: Iz his head on ur shouldr.

Po-ta-toeSam: No it’s on a rock.

Pip: Gosh ur filthy

Merryisawesome: Pippin! That’s so rude!

Pip: What he is

Gimlithegreat: That’s not at all polite.

Po-ta-toeSam: It’s okay if you like I can send you a selfie I took two weeks ago when we weren’t all dirty.

Pip: Yesyesyes

Po-ta-toeSam:image

Leggsielovesarrows: Haha I’m still better looking than all of you.

Gimlithegreat: Nooo not Legolas selfies. Someone kill me.

Leggsielovesarrows: Heehee.image

image

image

Pip: U r bing photobombed by Gimli.

Leggsielovesarrows: Wait, why did I post that picture oh gosh where’s the delete key.

Gimlithegreat: Hahahahahahahahahaha….

Po-ta-toeSam: Ooooookkkkkkk……

Merryisawesome: I think the picture of Frodo and Sam is better.

Po-ta-toeSam: The one where I look blond or the one where I look ginger?

Merryisawesome: Both.

Pip: Yes me 2.

Po-ta-toeSam: *embarressed blush*

Gandalfthewhite: Yes yes very cute and all but we have a battle here.

Elendilsheir: Oh, I forgot.

Pip: Whoops.

Po-ta-toeSam: And I should probably make sure Frodo’s not like dying of dehydration or something.

Merryisawesome: Okay, well message us when you destroy the ring.

Leggsielovesarrows: Yes, do that.

Gimlithegreat: Bye everyone.

Gimlithegreat has left the chat

Gandalfthewhite: Aragorn, I’m serious.

Elendilsheir: Fine.

Gandalfthewhite has left the chat

Elendilsheir has left the chat

Leggsielovesarrows: Later, I’m off to be fabulous.

Leggsielovesarrows has left the chat

Pip: Bye Sam.

Merryisawsome: Tell Frodo we love him he’s our cousin after all.

Po-ta-toeSam: Will do.

Merryisawesome has left the chat

Pip has left the chat

Po-ta-toeSam has left the chat.

THE END