Legolas, What Do Your Elf Eyes See?

One of the best parts of fandom is parodies. My friend sent me this one the other day and required I put it on my blog. He was so right. So here it is, and then here are a bunch more like it.


Now here is another:


…and another…


And of course, who could forget the song of our people…


#1 fandom group hug.

Fanfiction · Lord of the Rings Fanfiction · Uncategorized

The Ninth Day of Fanfic

(Finally! LotR!!! Oh, and, their winter holiday is called Yule, not Christmas, so don’t be thrown off. PS, no slash. Unfortunately, I always feel like I have to put that notice in… groan.)


On the ninth day of fanfic my H.G. gave to me… nine guys a-walking!

Eight “chefs” a-cooking!

Seven jedi dudes!

Six knights a training…


Four kids and Aslan!

Three wizard ships.

Two-oo festive daleks

and the Everdeen’s Christmas tree!


Boromir woke up and looked about him as Aragorn nudged him awake for watch. “It’s snowing,” he said, sitting up and rubbing his head.

“Of course,” said Aragorn. “We are on the foot of Caradhras. It’s always cold here.” He lay down. “Now take your watch with Gimli.”

Boromir looked over at the dwarf, who had snowflakes in his beard and an awed looked on his face.

“I take it you have never seen snow before,” said Boromir with a smile.

“Nay!” Gimli looked around. “I have, but never this much… and not in many a long year.”

They settled down to keep watch till the morning.


Legolas woke up as he heard the watchers talking “It’s snowing,” he muttered drowsily, and then he crashed back down onto his pillow and fell asleep again.


Gandalf lay awake, watching the snowflakes drift down to settle in his bushy hair, beard and eyebrows. He smiled a little, knowing the hobbits would be delighted. Then he frowned as he thought of how hard the journey would grow. Before he could reflect much on that however, he fell asleep again.


Merry opened his eyes to see a million snowflakes drifting to the ground. He gave a little gasp. “So much snow…” he murmured. He looked all about to see that he and the other hobbits had become buried in a nest of fluffy white.

“Pip, wake up!” said Merry, shaking his shoulder. Pippin gave a little yawn and turned over.

“I’m tired, Mer-Mer…” he groaned.

Merry half-lifted him. “Wake up, Pip!”

Pippin slumped into sleep again, his head dropped down, settling against Merry’s stomach. Merry pushed him off. “Please?”

“Why?” Pippin asked, yawning sweetly.

“Because there’s snow.”

The lad opened one sleepy eye. “I don’t -” He paused. “There’s… snow?!”

“It’s snowing,” Merry said. He flung his arms through the clouds of white. “It’s SNOWING!”

“Can you keep it down?” asked Sam drowsily from his place beside his master. “You’ll wake Frodo up.”

“But it’s snow, Sam!” Pippin gathered a handful, walked to the gardener, and sprinkled it into his red-gold curls. “It’s snow! I didn’t know there was this much snow in the entire world! Yaaaaaaaaay!” He flung a handful high into the air. “Wake Frodo up! He has to play with me!”


Frodo lay drowning in troubled dreams. Amidst the darkness of nightmares, he felt a loving voice gently coaxing him out. “Fro-do,” the voice sing-songed. He felt a soft kiss on his forehead and opened his eyes. Sam smiled at him and smoothed his hair. “Hello.”

“Hello… is that snow?!” Frodo sat bolt upright only to receive a snowball in the face.

“Gotcha!” shouted Pippin. Sam laughed. Frodo shot him an angry glare through a face full of snow, which only made Sam laugh harder.

“Is there any purpose in this watch?” called Boromir with a groan.

“Well, the sun is up, so no,” said Pippin, pelting him with a snowball, too. “And guess what today is?”

“What?” Frodo complained, wiping his eyes on his cloak.

“First Yule! Which means we get a feast!” Pippin danced happily about the camp, smacking everyone with snowballs. “A feast! And festivity! So we get to have fun all day! And eat snacks and have snowball fights and just be HAPPY!” He smacked Gandalf with three snowballs and then ran to hide behind Merry.

Frodo groaned and flopped down into Sam’s lap. “I’m going to be dead by the end of tomorrow.”

“Why?” Sam asked.

“Pippin will exhaust me until I drop down dead.”

Sam laughed again.

“We do not get a feast,” said Aragorn, standing up and buckling on his sword. “We have enough rations to get us to Mordor.”

“But we can go hunting, right?” said Pippin. “To get food for our feast?”

“Yes,” said Legolas quickly, before Pippin could get too upset.

“No,” said Aragorn. “There is no food to be found atop this mountain.”

“But when we arrive at a settlement, surely we can get more food to make up for the rations we eat today,” Legolas said, because Pippin was sitting down looking heartbroken.

“Perhaps,” said Aragorn. “But if we do not arrive at a settlement?”

“Can I have a word with you?” Legolas asked, dragging Aragorn behind a tree.

“Today is Yule,” said Pippin. “It’s special. We don’t even  have to have second Yule. Can’t we just have this one?”

“My dear young Took,” said Gandalf, shaking his head. “Of our nine members, four are hobbits. Hobbits alone celebrate Yule.”

Pippin’s face fell. Gandalf came over and ruffled his hair. “I see you are disappointed, but we simply cannot delay.”

“Can’t we have Yule while we walk, then?” asked Pippin sadly.

Gandalf smiled. “We shall see.” He headed off to pack up the camp.

Pippin sighed and snuggled up against Merry’s shoulder. “I really hope we can have Yule, Mer-Mer.”

“I hope so too, Pip.” Merry ruffled the lad’s hair.


Meanwhile, Legolas was glaring at Aragorn. “That boy is far to young to be on this quest in the first place. Shouldn’t we at least let him have fun this once?”

“Fun? A quest is not fun, Legolas. A quest is dangerous. We have to worry about our lives more than our entertainment.”

“But Pippin shouldn’t have to,” Legolas pressed.

“Then Pippin shouldn’t be here!” Aragorn said, swiping a hand through the air angrily. “And neither should Merry. Even Sam would be better off elsewhere. They are too young. This is not safe for them.”

“But they want to stay with Frodo,” said Legolas. “They love him.” He laid a hang on his friend’s shoulder. “I know you do, too.”

“We all love Frodo,” Aragorn said. He turned around. “And that is why we must protect him. Wasting our rations and delaying the journey could be harmful.”

“But think of how happy it would make him, to see Pippin and Merry just being the young children they are, rather than the war heroes everyone is expecting them to be.”

Aragorn thought. “You’re right,” he admitted finally. “I’m being overbearing. I -”

Legolas held up a hand to stop him. “Just go tell them.”


Frodo looked up from the drawings he was making in the snow. “Strider?” he said as Aragorn knelt beside them.

“Can we have Yule?” asked Pippin, clasping his hands and crossing his fingers.

“Well.” Strider ran a hand through his hair. “Yes, but – ”

“Oh thank you, Strider!” Pippin hopped up and hugged him around the neck. “Thank you thank you thank you!”

Aragorn hesitated before hugging him back.

“But only if you agree that we can still walk.”

“Oh, of course!” chirped Merry. “But, can we have a feast?”

“Yes, but a small feast.”

“Yaaaaaaaay!” Pippin and Merry danced around the camp while Pippin chattered excitedly. “This will be the best Yule ever! Gimli, guess what? We get to have Yule and a snowball fight while we walk.”

“I thought that there was a snowball fight this morning, lad,” said Gimli, arching an eyebrow.

“Oh, no. That was just me hitting you. This time you fight back.” Pippin giggled. They both dashed over to Boromir. “Boromir! Boromir!” Pippin said.

“Yes, little one?” asked Boromir, ruffling the boy’s hair.

“We get to have Yule!” said Merry happily.

“Great!” Boromir smiled. “Um, what’s Yule?”

Frodo groaned. “Boromir, please don’t ask them that…”


So, the Fellowship headed out. Pippin and Merry wove in and out of the crowd throwing snowballs. Boromir grabbed a handful of snow and threw it back at them. “Retaliation!”

“Nooo!” said Pippin. “Gandalf! I’m going to get you!”

“Oh are you, my lad?” Gandalf waved his staff. “Ninim! Revio!”

“Eeek!” Pippin squealed as enormous snowballs began to form themselves and fly at him. “Take cover!” He ran and hid under Frodo’s cloak. Frodo wrapped an arm around him.

“Ha! I am safe here!” Pippin cheered. “Boromir, vanquish the snowballs!”

Boromir took out his sword and cut the snowballs into pieces as they flew past.

Frodo let Pippin out from his cloak. “All safe,” he said.

And then a snowball hit him on the back of the head.

Frodo whirled around. “Sam! Traitor, how could you?!”

Sam grinned, shaping another snowball. “Sorry.”

“You’d better be sorry!” Frodo flew at Sam and tackled him to the ground, pinning him down. “I should bury you in all this snow for that!”

“For hitting you with a snowball?”

“Yes!” Frodo said indignantly. “I thought I could trust you! I thought you would protect me from all evils! And now you’re attacking me.” He pouted.

“Oh, come on,” Sam said. “That is so fake.”

Frodo smacked him.


“I am going to get you for this, Samwise Gamgee.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes. I have you pinned,” Frodo said, grabbing Sam by the arms. In an instant, Sam had a grip on Frodo’s wrists, and he rolled him over.

“Who’s got who pinned now?” he teased, brushing a quick kiss on the top of Frodo’s head. Frodo giggled. “Looks like I’ve… got… you…”

“Stop! I have to extract my revenge… Sam, stop it! Let me go!” He broke off, laughing too hard, as Sam stubbornly gripped his wrists tighter.

“Incoming!” shouted Merry, throwing himself onto Sam and Frodo. Pippin joined the pile. “Death by hugs!” he said, wrapping his arms tightly around his cousin.

“Should we be trying to stop that?” asked Boromir, nudging his head at the hobbits, who were now trying to knock each other off the pile with snowballs and flailing arms.

“Oh, let them have their fun,” said Legolas, who was walking on top of the snow. “It’s Yule, after all.”

“I still don’t understand what Yule is,” Boromir huffed.

“Really? I rather like it,” said Gimli. He threw a snowball at Legolas and then dashed ahead while the elf screamed, raking wet crystals from his hair.


That night, they ate a double portion of rations, the four hobbits all leaning on each other, as they munched their food and told stories of Yule, winters, feasts, and snow fights. Aragorn even pitched in with a story of Lord Elrond tripping in a snowdrift and landing face down, legs sticking out of the drift and kicking until his was rescued. This made Pippin laugh so hard that he spit the soup Sam had cooked all over Gandalf’s face. Rather than being angry, the wizard used a spell to clean himself, and then another to levitate a snowing cloud above the tween’s head.

Finally they all went to bed, the four hobbit nestling together under all four of their blankets, Gandalf staying up to watch with a lit pipe, and the others flopping about on the ground.

“I’ll still get my revenge,” Frodo whispered to Sam across Merry’s head.

Sam smiled. “I should really never hit you with snowballs, eh? Be keeping that in mind.”

Frodo smiled back. Sam ran a hand down his cheek. “So, did you have fun?”


“Good.” Sam leaned over Merry’s sleeping form to kiss Frodo on the brow. “Sleep well.”

“You, too.”

They reached their hands over the other two lad’s sleeping forms, and their fingers met and clasped.  It had been a wonderful Yule.

Lord of the Rings Fanfiction

Mirkwood Beauty Products

Hello everyone! Well, I’ve steered clear of LotR for a while (otherwise I’d go rambling on and on about it forever) so I thought perhaps today that cycle could end, and we’ll do an LotR story. This is a humorous fan fiction. I managed to not turn the whole thing into hobbits (who, you may have noticed, I am slightly obsessed with) although they do have a cameo. No, this is a mockery of the character everyone loves but me: Legolas! In this story, Gimli and Boromir discover Legolas’s shampoo… and various bad things happen. Peace, fluff, and nonsense. Read and review!


Mirkwood Beauty Products

Boromir shifted restlessly in his blanket. He could not sleep. The ground was hard, and the hobbits were still awake, giggling and chattering beneath their blankets. For the fourth time, he heard Aragorn tell them to stop talking and go to bed. They quieted for a second, then Boromir heard Sam whisper something to Frodo, and Frodo giggled and gave a quiet response. Pippin and Merry joined the conversation, and soon all four were whispering again.
Boromir groaned, threw off his blanket, and marched over. “Do I need to separate you four?” he asked.
Merry gasped. Sam threw his arms around Frodo.
“Then quiet down.” Boromir went back to his blanket and listened to the hobbits whisper for a second about how mean he was, then kiss one another goodnight and drift one by one to sleep.
He sighed. “Peace at last,” he muttered, fluffing his pillow and falling asleep.

He was awakened several hours later by a foot prodding him. He blinked and opened his eyes to see Gimli waving him up.
“Is it my turn for watch?” asked Boromir.
“Yes, but come on! There’s something I must show you!”
Groggily, Boromir followed Gimli to his sleeping place. “What’s going on?” he asked.
“Shh!” Gimli glanced around. and then, content that no one had woke up, he said, “alright. You’re never going to believe me, but I was rifling in Legolas’ bag a minute ago -”
“Because the hair tie I was using for my beard broke, and I went to borrow one. Anyway… I pulled something aside and I found something very interesting… something we’ve always wanted to see… Take a guess.”
“No,” Boromir breathed.
“Yes.” Gimli pulled out a bottle. “Mirkwood Non-Frizz Tea Tree Shampoo.”
Boromir stared at the label, dumbfounded.
“And that’s not all.” Gimli pulled out more jars and bottle, reading each as he drew them forth. “Mirkwood Non-Frizz Tea Tree Conditioner. Mirkwood Lemon-Infused Facial Scrub. Mirkwood Ultra-Soft Peony Lotion. Oh, this is good,” he said, taking out a wooden box. “Mirkwood Manicure Kit. Includes nail file, cuticle repairer, buffing block, and clear nail polish.”
Boromir laughed. “Should we dump it in the river?”
Gimli wiggled his eyebrows. “No, I’ve a better idea.” He took out another jar. “Dwarvish Beard-Thickening Ointment. And this one here… fake orcs blood, to smear on your face. Makes an impression after battle. Legolas will never suspect it….”

They all awoke the next morning to the sounds of Legolas’ screams, high-pitched and guttural. Boromir sat up and looked over at the elf. Legolas was crying, his hair a frizzy mess of blond tangles, his face streaked with black marks. “What happened to my shampoo?” he sobbed. “And my lotion…?!” He burst into tears again.
“Oh, Legolas,” Aragorn said sympathetically. “It’s probably past the expiration date. Products aren’t safe if you use them too late.”
Merry covered Pippin’s eyes as the Took eagerly sat up. “No, Pippin, you can’t look. It will give you nightmares.”
Legolas burst into fresh tears.
Boromir snuck a glance at Gimli. The dwarf was smiling from ear to ear, although he hid it well in his bushy beard.
“Gandalf, can you magic my hair back to normal?” Legolas sobbed.
“I’m sorry… no spell can undo such a mess.”
“We must be off,” Aragorn said, belting on his sword. “The orcs shall soon be upon us.”
Bill the pony tried to chew Legolas’ hair. Sam coaxed him away while Legolas screamed.

And that was how Legolas went for five days with horrible hair.


New Long Fanfiction

Hello everyone! H.G. here (obviously. Who else would it be?) with a dilemma that will be resolved by… YOU!

After writing “The Land of Shadow”, which many of you have probably read (if not it’s at the top bar right next to the poll page) I’ve had an itch for another long fanfiction. There are three floating around. Two I have already written out, just not on the blog. One has only ever been in my mind. So, that is where you come in. Please vote by commenting below. I will make a page for it and write it chapter by chapter, replying to reviews and doing basically the exact same thing I did with “Land of Shadow.” Voting will last until the 29th. The first chapter will come out on the 30th. You can only vote once. Here are the three choices:

Option Number One

Title: To Hurt and to Heal

Status: Never been written

Fandom: The Lord of the Rings

Genre: Angst

Synopsis: This is the sequel to “the Land of Shadow”. Once again, it is told from Sam and Frodo’s points of view, only this time Merry and Pippin are narrators, too. Sam wakes up after being rescued from Mount Doom only to discover that something terrible has happened. Frodo has lost his memory. He woke up with nothing but the knowledge of his name and one word – Sam – although he has no idea what this means. Therefore, upon waking up, Frodo physically attacks everyone in the room thinking they are threatening him. As if this were not enough, Sam and Pippin are suffering from PTSD and Merry is gravely wounded from his battle with the Witch King, and is possibly on the brink of death. He hates Frodo for attacking Pippin, who was on of the victims of the former Ringearer’s assault, and frequently fights with Sam over Frodo’s current state, and whether or not that will change. Pippin is heartbroken that Frodo has forgotten him. Sam feels as though someone’s cut out half of his heart. Frodo’s confused and tormented by dark dreams of things he cannot remember, especially as he and Sam begin to grow back together. Will he remember? Will Merry and Pippin be healed? Will Rosie make an appearance (yeah, probably.)? And most importantly, will Frodo and Sam ever go back to the loving relationship they had during the Quest? Find out by voting for To Hurt and To Heal!

Option Number Two

Title: The Quell

Status: Written outside of Middle Hyrule

Fandoms: The Hunger Games, Lord of the Rings, The Legend of Zelda, Star Wars

Genre: Action, Angst, Romance

Synopsis: For the 75th Hunger Games and the third Quarter Quell, it is decreed that four tributesd will be sent – two victors and two children. But in addition to that, four tributes will be reaped from other worlds. These worlds are Middle Earth, Hyrule, and the Galaxy – and the Reaped are of all ages. Sixty tributes all pitted against each other in the most epic Quell in Hunger Games history – particularly considering who these tributes are. From Panem are victors, including Haymitch Abernathy and Katniss Everdeen, as well as children who have never held a sword. From Hyrule come heroes of legend – Princess Zelda, Anju, Kafei, and Link, hero of Time. From Middle Earth come more well-known characters – Eowyn of Rohan, Shelob, Frodo Baggins, and Samwise Gamgee. And from the Galaxy come Anakin Skywalker, Padme Amidala, Aalaya Secura, and Jedi Master Yoda. These tributes are fierce, and yet some do not intend to go home, for the sake of a loved one. In addition, Katniss and Haymitch befriend the girl tribute from their district, a shy yet strong twelve year old named Carynn, who reminds Katniss so much of Rue. Sixty Tributes. Two weeks. Only one can survive. Who will that one be? Find out by voting for The Quell!

Option Number Three

Title: Modern Multi Mash-up

Status: Written outside of Middle Hyrule

Fandoms: The Hunger Games, Merlin, Star Wars, The Legend of Zelda, Lord of the Rings

Genre: Adventure, Humor

Synopsis: Take Katniss, Merlin, Arthur, Guinevere, Gwaine, Leon, Luke, Leia, Han, Yoda, R2, Link, Zelda, Saria, Nabooru, Fi, Frodo, Pippin, Legolas, Eomer, and Eowyn. Now pit them against Morgana, Vader, Ganondorf, Ghirahim, Ugluk, Saruman, and Shelob. You won’t even be close to imagining Modern Mutli Mash-up, the hilarious, confusing, chaotic rip-roaring comedy of a finfiction where absolutely anything can happen.The seal placed on Ganondorf has been broken, and he is returning to power. But suddenly, the Lost Woods is becoming a collection of portals – portals that all lead to various sections of other worlds. Characters are wandering away from their stories and into Hyrule – both good and evil. And when the villains begin forming alliances, it’s clear that all worlds are in grave danger – unless the Band of Heroes can stop them! The twenty-one heroes of five stories come together to travel the worlds looking for ways to defeat each villain in turn. And yet, as they travel, crazy things begin to happen. Friendships are forming. People are falling in love. Starships are appearing in the middle of Kokiri Village. Frodo is acting like an angsty teenager. Saria’s heart is being broken. Han is driving everyone crazy. Hilarious, ridiculous, and slightly stupid jokes are being made. You don’t have to know all of these fandoms to enjoy Modern Multi Mash-up – all you need to do is buckle your seatbelt, prepare your vocal chords for more laughing than is considered appropriate, and vote for option number three, the single best fandom mash-up of all time – the one and only MODERN MULTI MASH-UP!!! And what’s even better is if you like it, there are two other books in the MMM trilogy! I’m currently writing book two at my house. ^.^

Please vote below for whichever fanfiction tickled your fancy most. I will be delighted to share any one with you. Voting will end on the 29th and chapter one of whichever you choose will be released on the 30th. Make sure that’s really the one you want, as you can only vote once. And let the voting…. COMMENCE!!!


Some Stories

These pictures are becoming quite popular – it shows several fandoms and says, “Some Stories Stay With Us Forever.” I thought I’d show you a few… some of these I’m not sure what the fandoms are, but you might.


Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Eragon, Narnia, Hunger Games, and Lord of the Rings


Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Pirates of the Carribean, Narnia, Hunger Games, and Percy Jackson.


Harry Potter, Eragon (groan), Hunger Games, Percy Jackson, Narnia, Lord of the Rings.


Harry Potter, Hunger Games, Pirates of the Carribean, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, and…. hahahahaha!!!


Hunger Games, Harry Potter, Star Wars (finally!), Lord of the Rings, and a banana…too funny!


Percy Jackson, I have no idea, Doctor Who, Something I don’t know, Lord of the Rings, Sherlock, Merlin, and Harry Potter.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed those!

Character Assessment

Top Five Most Handsome Men in Lord of the Rings

LotR is known for epic battles, beautiful music, and good-looking guys. At least, in my world. Here’s my top five list.

5. Eomer


He’s got this cute little mustache, and this kind of oval-shaped face that’s just so adorable. *sigh*

4. Aragorn


Aragorn’s rather good-looking. He ought to be higher on this list. However, he has terrible higene – for half of the trilogy he looks as though he’s been living without baths for a month. So that’s why he only made number four.

3. Legolas


I must give credit where credit is due. Legolas is pretty. Very pretty. But his character isn’t really my favorite, so he sort of was biased into spot three. Ack! Spare me!

2. Faramir


I have always been a bit obsessed with Robin Hood. Faramir looks like Robin Hood if he fell apart every time his mean father said rude offensive things. But he’s so handsome. Still, what is with men and long hair in these movies?

1. Frodo


Frodo is beautiful. That thick curly black hair and that creamy pale skin and those gorgeous blue eyes…. so he got the top spot. Even though he’s fairly messy at time.

What’s your top five? Did I miss anybody? Are you mad that Legolas was only spot three? Let me know!

Character Assessment

Aragorn and Legolas Present: How to Always Look Your Best in Photos

All right, so we all know I’m the king of Gondor.





And I’m the prince of Mirkwood. Regal…




Anyway, here are a few tips so you’ll always look great in pictures.

1. It’s okay to be a mess. As long as you still look pretty. 

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2. Strike a pose. A cool pose.

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3. If you can’t think of a pose, grab some hobbits. They’re very photogenic.


Uh… it looks like they don’t feel like posing right now. However, dwarves are also short, so they will make a good subsitute. 


4. Don’t smile often…so that when you do, people start fangirling loudly.

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5. Finally, girls love the mysterious look.

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