Legolas, What Do Your Elf Eyes See?

One of the best parts of fandom is parodies. My friend sent me this one the other day and required I put it on my blog. He was so right. So here it is, and then here are a bunch more like it.


Now here is another:


…and another…


And of course, who could forget the song of our people…


#1 fandom group hug.

The Ninth Day of Fanfic

(Finally! LotR!!! Oh, and, their winter holiday is called Yule, not Christmas, so don’t be thrown off. PS, no slash. Unfortunately, I always feel like I have to put that notice in… groan.)


On the ninth day of fanfic my H.G. gave to me… nine guys a-walking!

Eight “chefs” a-cooking!

Seven jedi dudes!

Six knights a training…


Four kids and Aslan!

Three wizard ships.

Two-oo festive daleks

and the Everdeen’s Christmas tree!


Boromir woke up and looked about him as Aragorn nudged him awake for watch. “It’s snowing,” he said, sitting up and rubbing his head.

“Of course,” said Aragorn. “We are on the foot of Caradhras. It’s always cold here.” He lay down. “Now take your watch with Gimli.”

Boromir looked over at the dwarf, who had snowflakes in his beard and an awed looked on his face.

“I take it you have never seen snow before,” said Boromir with a smile.

“Nay!” Gimli looked around. “I have, but never this much… and not in many a long year.”

They settled down to keep watch till the morning.


Legolas woke up as he heard the watchers talking “It’s snowing,” he muttered drowsily, and then he crashed back down onto his pillow and fell asleep again.


Gandalf lay awake, watching the snowflakes drift down to settle in his bushy hair, beard and eyebrows. He smiled a little, knowing the hobbits would be delighted. Then he frowned as he thought of how hard the journey would grow. Before he could reflect much on that however, he fell asleep again.


Merry opened his eyes to see a million snowflakes drifting to the ground. He gave a little gasp. “So much snow…” he murmured. He looked all about to see that he and the other hobbits had become buried in a nest of fluffy white.

“Pip, wake up!” said Merry, shaking his shoulder. Pippin gave a little yawn and turned over.

“I’m tired, Mer-Mer…” he groaned.

Merry half-lifted him. “Wake up, Pip!”

Pippin slumped into sleep again, his head dropped down, settling against Merry’s stomach. Merry pushed him off. “Please?”

“Why?” Pippin asked, yawning sweetly.

“Because there’s snow.”

The lad opened one sleepy eye. “I don’t -” He paused. “There’s… snow?!”

“It’s snowing,” Merry said. He flung his arms through the clouds of white. “It’s SNOWING!”

“Can you keep it down?” asked Sam drowsily from his place beside his master. “You’ll wake Frodo up.”

“But it’s snow, Sam!” Pippin gathered a handful, walked to the gardener, and sprinkled it into his red-gold curls. “It’s snow! I didn’t know there was this much snow in the entire world! Yaaaaaaaaay!” He flung a handful high into the air. “Wake Frodo up! He has to play with me!”


Frodo lay drowning in troubled dreams. Amidst the darkness of nightmares, he felt a loving voice gently coaxing him out. “Fro-do,” the voice sing-songed. He felt a soft kiss on his forehead and opened his eyes. Sam smiled at him and smoothed his hair. “Hello.”

“Hello… is that snow?!” Frodo sat bolt upright only to receive a snowball in the face.

“Gotcha!” shouted Pippin. Sam laughed. Frodo shot him an angry glare through a face full of snow, which only made Sam laugh harder.

“Is there any purpose in this watch?” called Boromir with a groan.

“Well, the sun is up, so no,” said Pippin, pelting him with a snowball, too. “And guess what today is?”

“What?” Frodo complained, wiping his eyes on his cloak.

“First Yule! Which means we get a feast!” Pippin danced happily about the camp, smacking everyone with snowballs. “A feast! And festivity! So we get to have fun all day! And eat snacks and have snowball fights and just be HAPPY!” He smacked Gandalf with three snowballs and then ran to hide behind Merry.

Frodo groaned and flopped down into Sam’s lap. “I’m going to be dead by the end of tomorrow.”

“Why?” Sam asked.

“Pippin will exhaust me until I drop down dead.”

Sam laughed again.

“We do not get a feast,” said Aragorn, standing up and buckling on his sword. “We have enough rations to get us to Mordor.”

“But we can go hunting, right?” said Pippin. “To get food for our feast?”

“Yes,” said Legolas quickly, before Pippin could get too upset.

“No,” said Aragorn. “There is no food to be found atop this mountain.”

“But when we arrive at a settlement, surely we can get more food to make up for the rations we eat today,” Legolas said, because Pippin was sitting down looking heartbroken.

“Perhaps,” said Aragorn. “But if we do not arrive at a settlement?”

“Can I have a word with you?” Legolas asked, dragging Aragorn behind a tree.

“Today is Yule,” said Pippin. “It’s special. We don’t even  have to have second Yule. Can’t we just have this one?”

“My dear young Took,” said Gandalf, shaking his head. “Of our nine members, four are hobbits. Hobbits alone celebrate Yule.”

Pippin’s face fell. Gandalf came over and ruffled his hair. “I see you are disappointed, but we simply cannot delay.”

“Can’t we have Yule while we walk, then?” asked Pippin sadly.

Gandalf smiled. “We shall see.” He headed off to pack up the camp.

Pippin sighed and snuggled up against Merry’s shoulder. “I really hope we can have Yule, Mer-Mer.”

“I hope so too, Pip.” Merry ruffled the lad’s hair.


Meanwhile, Legolas was glaring at Aragorn. “That boy is far to young to be on this quest in the first place. Shouldn’t we at least let him have fun this once?”

“Fun? A quest is not fun, Legolas. A quest is dangerous. We have to worry about our lives more than our entertainment.”

“But Pippin shouldn’t have to,” Legolas pressed.

“Then Pippin shouldn’t be here!” Aragorn said, swiping a hand through the air angrily. “And neither should Merry. Even Sam would be better off elsewhere. They are too young. This is not safe for them.”

“But they want to stay with Frodo,” said Legolas. “They love him.” He laid a hang on his friend’s shoulder. “I know you do, too.”

“We all love Frodo,” Aragorn said. He turned around. “And that is why we must protect him. Wasting our rations and delaying the journey could be harmful.”

“But think of how happy it would make him, to see Pippin and Merry just being the young children they are, rather than the war heroes everyone is expecting them to be.”

Aragorn thought. “You’re right,” he admitted finally. “I’m being overbearing. I -”

Legolas held up a hand to stop him. “Just go tell them.”


Frodo looked up from the drawings he was making in the snow. “Strider?” he said as Aragorn knelt beside them.

“Can we have Yule?” asked Pippin, clasping his hands and crossing his fingers.

“Well.” Strider ran a hand through his hair. “Yes, but – ”

“Oh thank you, Strider!” Pippin hopped up and hugged him around the neck. “Thank you thank you thank you!”

Aragorn hesitated before hugging him back.

“But only if you agree that we can still walk.”

“Oh, of course!” chirped Merry. “But, can we have a feast?”

“Yes, but a small feast.”

“Yaaaaaaaay!” Pippin and Merry danced around the camp while Pippin chattered excitedly. “This will be the best Yule ever! Gimli, guess what? We get to have Yule and a snowball fight while we walk.”

“I thought that there was a snowball fight this morning, lad,” said Gimli, arching an eyebrow.

“Oh, no. That was just me hitting you. This time you fight back.” Pippin giggled. They both dashed over to Boromir. “Boromir! Boromir!” Pippin said.

“Yes, little one?” asked Boromir, ruffling the boy’s hair.

“We get to have Yule!” said Merry happily.

“Great!” Boromir smiled. “Um, what’s Yule?”

Frodo groaned. “Boromir, please don’t ask them that…”


So, the Fellowship headed out. Pippin and Merry wove in and out of the crowd throwing snowballs. Boromir grabbed a handful of snow and threw it back at them. “Retaliation!”

“Nooo!” said Pippin. “Gandalf! I’m going to get you!”

“Oh are you, my lad?” Gandalf waved his staff. “Ninim! Revio!”

“Eeek!” Pippin squealed as enormous snowballs began to form themselves and fly at him. “Take cover!” He ran and hid under Frodo’s cloak. Frodo wrapped an arm around him.

“Ha! I am safe here!” Pippin cheered. “Boromir, vanquish the snowballs!”

Boromir took out his sword and cut the snowballs into pieces as they flew past.

Frodo let Pippin out from his cloak. “All safe,” he said.

And then a snowball hit him on the back of the head.

Frodo whirled around. “Sam! Traitor, how could you?!”

Sam grinned, shaping another snowball. “Sorry.”

“You’d better be sorry!” Frodo flew at Sam and tackled him to the ground, pinning him down. “I should bury you in all this snow for that!”

“For hitting you with a snowball?”

“Yes!” Frodo said indignantly. “I thought I could trust you! I thought you would protect me from all evils! And now you’re attacking me.” He pouted.

“Oh, come on,” Sam said. “That is so fake.”

Frodo smacked him.


“I am going to get you for this, Samwise Gamgee.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes. I have you pinned,” Frodo said, grabbing Sam by the arms. In an instant, Sam had a grip on Frodo’s wrists, and he rolled him over.

“Who’s got who pinned now?” he teased, brushing a quick kiss on the top of Frodo’s head. Frodo giggled. “Looks like I’ve… got… you…”

“Stop! I have to extract my revenge… Sam, stop it! Let me go!” He broke off, laughing too hard, as Sam stubbornly gripped his wrists tighter.

“Incoming!” shouted Merry, throwing himself onto Sam and Frodo. Pippin joined the pile. “Death by hugs!” he said, wrapping his arms tightly around his cousin.

“Should we be trying to stop that?” asked Boromir, nudging his head at the hobbits, who were now trying to knock each other off the pile with snowballs and flailing arms.

“Oh, let them have their fun,” said Legolas, who was walking on top of the snow. “It’s Yule, after all.”

“I still don’t understand what Yule is,” Boromir huffed.

“Really? I rather like it,” said Gimli. He threw a snowball at Legolas and then dashed ahead while the elf screamed, raking wet crystals from his hair.


That night, they ate a double portion of rations, the four hobbits all leaning on each other, as they munched their food and told stories of Yule, winters, feasts, and snow fights. Aragorn even pitched in with a story of Lord Elrond tripping in a snowdrift and landing face down, legs sticking out of the drift and kicking until his was rescued. This made Pippin laugh so hard that he spit the soup Sam had cooked all over Gandalf’s face. Rather than being angry, the wizard used a spell to clean himself, and then another to levitate a snowing cloud above the tween’s head.

Finally they all went to bed, the four hobbit nestling together under all four of their blankets, Gandalf staying up to watch with a lit pipe, and the others flopping about on the ground.

“I’ll still get my revenge,” Frodo whispered to Sam across Merry’s head.

Sam smiled. “I should really never hit you with snowballs, eh? Be keeping that in mind.”

Frodo smiled back. Sam ran a hand down his cheek. “So, did you have fun?”


“Good.” Sam leaned over Merry’s sleeping form to kiss Frodo on the brow. “Sleep well.”

“You, too.”

They reached their hands over the other two lad’s sleeping forms, and their fingers met and clasped.  It had been a wonderful Yule.

Mirkwood Beauty Products

Hello everyone! Well, I’ve steered clear of LotR for a while (otherwise I’d go rambling on and on about it forever) so I thought perhaps today that cycle could end, and we’ll do an LotR story. This is a humorous fan fiction. I managed to not turn the whole thing into hobbits (who, you may have noticed, I am slightly obsessed with) although they do have a cameo. No, this is a mockery of the character everyone loves but me: Legolas! In this story, Gimli and Boromir discover Legolas’s shampoo… and various bad things happen. Peace, fluff, and nonsense. Read and review!


Mirkwood Beauty Products

Boromir shifted restlessly in his blanket. He could not sleep. The ground was hard, and the hobbits were still awake, giggling and chattering beneath their blankets. For the fourth time, he heard Aragorn tell them to stop talking and go to bed. They quieted for a second, then Boromir heard Sam whisper something to Frodo, and Frodo giggled and gave a quiet response. Pippin and Merry joined the conversation, and soon all four were whispering again.
Boromir groaned, threw off his blanket, and marched over. “Do I need to separate you four?” he asked.
Merry gasped. Sam threw his arms around Frodo.
“Then quiet down.” Boromir went back to his blanket and listened to the hobbits whisper for a second about how mean he was, then kiss one another goodnight and drift one by one to sleep.
He sighed. “Peace at last,” he muttered, fluffing his pillow and falling asleep.

He was awakened several hours later by a foot prodding him. He blinked and opened his eyes to see Gimli waving him up.
“Is it my turn for watch?” asked Boromir.
“Yes, but come on! There’s something I must show you!”
Groggily, Boromir followed Gimli to his sleeping place. “What’s going on?” he asked.
“Shh!” Gimli glanced around. and then, content that no one had woke up, he said, “alright. You’re never going to believe me, but I was rifling in Legolas’ bag a minute ago -”
“Because the hair tie I was using for my beard broke, and I went to borrow one. Anyway… I pulled something aside and I found something very interesting… something we’ve always wanted to see… Take a guess.”
“No,” Boromir breathed.
“Yes.” Gimli pulled out a bottle. “Mirkwood Non-Frizz Tea Tree Shampoo.”
Boromir stared at the label, dumbfounded.
“And that’s not all.” Gimli pulled out more jars and bottle, reading each as he drew them forth. “Mirkwood Non-Frizz Tea Tree Conditioner. Mirkwood Lemon-Infused Facial Scrub. Mirkwood Ultra-Soft Peony Lotion. Oh, this is good,” he said, taking out a wooden box. “Mirkwood Manicure Kit. Includes nail file, cuticle repairer, buffing block, and clear nail polish.”
Boromir laughed. “Should we dump it in the river?”
Gimli wiggled his eyebrows. “No, I’ve a better idea.” He took out another jar. “Dwarvish Beard-Thickening Ointment. And this one here… fake orcs blood, to smear on your face. Makes an impression after battle. Legolas will never suspect it….”

They all awoke the next morning to the sounds of Legolas’ screams, high-pitched and guttural. Boromir sat up and looked over at the elf. Legolas was crying, his hair a frizzy mess of blond tangles, his face streaked with black marks. “What happened to my shampoo?” he sobbed. “And my lotion…?!” He burst into tears again.
“Oh, Legolas,” Aragorn said sympathetically. “It’s probably past the expiration date. Products aren’t safe if you use them too late.”
Merry covered Pippin’s eyes as the Took eagerly sat up. “No, Pippin, you can’t look. It will give you nightmares.”
Legolas burst into fresh tears.
Boromir snuck a glance at Gimli. The dwarf was smiling from ear to ear, although he hid it well in his bushy beard.
“Gandalf, can you magic my hair back to normal?” Legolas sobbed.
“I’m sorry… no spell can undo such a mess.”
“We must be off,” Aragorn said, belting on his sword. “The orcs shall soon be upon us.”
Bill the pony tried to chew Legolas’ hair. Sam coaxed him away while Legolas screamed.

And that was how Legolas went for five days with horrible hair.

New Long Fanfiction

Hello everyone! H.G. here (obviously. Who else would it be?) with a dilemma that will be resolved by… YOU!

After writing “The Land of Shadow”, which many of you have probably read (if not it’s at the top bar right next to the poll page) I’ve had an itch for another long fanfiction. There are three floating around. Two I have already written out, just not on the blog. One has only ever been in my mind. So, that is where you come in. Please vote by commenting below. I will make a page for it and write it chapter by chapter, replying to reviews and doing basically the exact same thing I did with “Land of Shadow.” Voting will last until the 29th. The first chapter will come out on the 30th. You can only vote once. Here are the three choices:

Option Number One

Title: To Hurt and to Heal

Status: Never been written

Fandom: The Lord of the Rings

Genre: Angst

Synopsis: This is the sequel to “the Land of Shadow”. Once again, it is told from Sam and Frodo’s points of view, only this time Merry and Pippin are narrators, too. Sam wakes up after being rescued from Mount Doom only to discover that something terrible has happened. Frodo has lost his memory. He woke up with nothing but the knowledge of his name and one word – Sam – although he has no idea what this means. Therefore, upon waking up, Frodo physically attacks everyone in the room thinking they are threatening him. As if this were not enough, Sam and Pippin are suffering from PTSD and Merry is gravely wounded from his battle with the Witch King, and is possibly on the brink of death. He hates Frodo for attacking Pippin, who was on of the victims of the former Ringearer’s assault, and frequently fights with Sam over Frodo’s current state, and whether or not that will change. Pippin is heartbroken that Frodo has forgotten him. Sam feels as though someone’s cut out half of his heart. Frodo’s confused and tormented by dark dreams of things he cannot remember, especially as he and Sam begin to grow back together. Will he remember? Will Merry and Pippin be healed? Will Rosie make an appearance (yeah, probably.)? And most importantly, will Frodo and Sam ever go back to the loving relationship they had during the Quest? Find out by voting for To Hurt and To Heal!

Option Number Two

Title: The Quell

Status: Written outside of Middle Hyrule

Fandoms: The Hunger Games, Lord of the Rings, The Legend of Zelda, Star Wars

Genre: Action, Angst, Romance

Synopsis: For the 75th Hunger Games and the third Quarter Quell, it is decreed that four tributesd will be sent – two victors and two children. But in addition to that, four tributes will be reaped from other worlds. These worlds are Middle Earth, Hyrule, and the Galaxy – and the Reaped are of all ages. Sixty tributes all pitted against each other in the most epic Quell in Hunger Games history – particularly considering who these tributes are. From Panem are victors, including Haymitch Abernathy and Katniss Everdeen, as well as children who have never held a sword. From Hyrule come heroes of legend – Princess Zelda, Anju, Kafei, and Link, hero of Time. From Middle Earth come more well-known characters – Eowyn of Rohan, Shelob, Frodo Baggins, and Samwise Gamgee. And from the Galaxy come Anakin Skywalker, Padme Amidala, Aalaya Secura, and Jedi Master Yoda. These tributes are fierce, and yet some do not intend to go home, for the sake of a loved one. In addition, Katniss and Haymitch befriend the girl tribute from their district, a shy yet strong twelve year old named Carynn, who reminds Katniss so much of Rue. Sixty Tributes. Two weeks. Only one can survive. Who will that one be? Find out by voting for The Quell!

Option Number Three

Title: Modern Multi Mash-up

Status: Written outside of Middle Hyrule

Fandoms: The Hunger Games, Merlin, Star Wars, The Legend of Zelda, Lord of the Rings

Genre: Adventure, Humor

Synopsis: Take Katniss, Merlin, Arthur, Guinevere, Gwaine, Leon, Luke, Leia, Han, Yoda, R2, Link, Zelda, Saria, Nabooru, Fi, Frodo, Pippin, Legolas, Eomer, and Eowyn. Now pit them against Morgana, Vader, Ganondorf, Ghirahim, Ugluk, Saruman, and Shelob. You won’t even be close to imagining Modern Mutli Mash-up, the hilarious, confusing, chaotic rip-roaring comedy of a finfiction where absolutely anything can happen.The seal placed on Ganondorf has been broken, and he is returning to power. But suddenly, the Lost Woods is becoming a collection of portals – portals that all lead to various sections of other worlds. Characters are wandering away from their stories and into Hyrule – both good and evil. And when the villains begin forming alliances, it’s clear that all worlds are in grave danger – unless the Band of Heroes can stop them! The twenty-one heroes of five stories come together to travel the worlds looking for ways to defeat each villain in turn. And yet, as they travel, crazy things begin to happen. Friendships are forming. People are falling in love. Starships are appearing in the middle of Kokiri Village. Frodo is acting like an angsty teenager. Saria’s heart is being broken. Han is driving everyone crazy. Hilarious, ridiculous, and slightly stupid jokes are being made. You don’t have to know all of these fandoms to enjoy Modern Multi Mash-up – all you need to do is buckle your seatbelt, prepare your vocal chords for more laughing than is considered appropriate, and vote for option number three, the single best fandom mash-up of all time – the one and only MODERN MULTI MASH-UP!!! And what’s even better is if you like it, there are two other books in the MMM trilogy! I’m currently writing book two at my house. ^.^

Please vote below for whichever fanfiction tickled your fancy most. I will be delighted to share any one with you. Voting will end on the 29th and chapter one of whichever you choose will be released on the 30th. Make sure that’s really the one you want, as you can only vote once. And let the voting…. COMMENCE!!!

Some Stories

These pictures are becoming quite popular – it shows several fandoms and says, “Some Stories Stay With Us Forever.” I thought I’d show you a few… some of these I’m not sure what the fandoms are, but you might.


Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Eragon, Narnia, Hunger Games, and Lord of the Rings


Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Pirates of the Carribean, Narnia, Hunger Games, and Percy Jackson.


Harry Potter, Eragon (groan), Hunger Games, Percy Jackson, Narnia, Lord of the Rings.


Harry Potter, Hunger Games, Pirates of the Carribean, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, and…. hahahahaha!!!


Hunger Games, Harry Potter, Star Wars (finally!), Lord of the Rings, and a banana…too funny!


Percy Jackson, I have no idea, Doctor Who, Something I don’t know, Lord of the Rings, Sherlock, Merlin, and Harry Potter.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed those!

Top Five Most Handsome Men in Lord of the Rings

LotR is known for epic battles, beautiful music, and good-looking guys. At least, in my world. Here’s my top five list.

5. Eomer


He’s got this cute little mustache, and this kind of oval-shaped face that’s just so adorable. *sigh*

4. Aragorn


Aragorn’s rather good-looking. He ought to be higher on this list. However, he has terrible higene – for half of the trilogy he looks as though he’s been living without baths for a month. So that’s why he only made number four.

3. Legolas


I must give credit where credit is due. Legolas is pretty. Very pretty. But his character isn’t really my favorite, so he sort of was biased into spot three. Ack! Spare me!

2. Faramir


I have always been a bit obsessed with Robin Hood. Faramir looks like Robin Hood if he fell apart every time his mean father said rude offensive things. But he’s so handsome. Still, what is with men and long hair in these movies?

1. Frodo


Frodo is beautiful. That thick curly black hair and that creamy pale skin and those gorgeous blue eyes…. so he got the top spot. Even though he’s fairly messy at time.

What’s your top five? Did I miss anybody? Are you mad that Legolas was only spot three? Let me know!

Aragorn and Legolas Present: How to Always Look Your Best in Photos

All right, so we all know I’m the king of Gondor.





And I’m the prince of Mirkwood. Regal…




Anyway, here are a few tips so you’ll always look great in pictures.

1. It’s okay to be a mess. As long as you still look pretty. 

image image

2. Strike a pose. A cool pose.

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3. If you can’t think of a pose, grab some hobbits. They’re very photogenic.


Uh… it looks like they don’t feel like posing right now. However, dwarves are also short, so they will make a good subsitute. 


4. Don’t smile often…so that when you do, people start fangirling loudly.

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5. Finally, girls love the mysterious look.

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Lord of the Rings and Zelda crossovers

Four humorous combinations of Zelda and LotR


This one I find funny because really, Link and Legolas are so similar. And they’re tangled in Christmas lights. Seriously, does it get better?


Yes, it does. When you see cute little Frodo and cute little Sam, your first reaction is, “a www!” But when you see the opening sentence to a very beloved game… Well, I smile every time I see this.

Funny how a little kid blocking your path and an Istari battling Balrogs both can make use of the same phrase.


This is just too awesome. I don’t think I need to comment on it. All I’ll say is, it made me laugh.

Let me know what you thought in the comments!

The Death of Samwise Gamgee: A heartbreaking LotR fanfic

The Death of Samwise Gamgee

Aiya everybody!
A few days ago, my mother said that Lord of the Rings was unrealistic because both Frodo and Sam could not possibly have lived. She said one of them should die, and that one should be Sam, because it would be more emotional and traumatizing for the reader. I was shocked and horrified. Sam, the cute, happy, frying-pan-wielding gardener? She wanted him to DIE? I reminded her of the things that Sam had done for his best friend, Frodo, and for all the people of Middle-Earth. Didn’t he deserve to live? To marry his girlfriend and be happy? He’d suffered so much! Yes, she said, and that was exactly why he should die.

To show her how completely wrong she was, I decided to write a fanfiction where that very thing happened. Where Sam died and everyone who loved him was heart broken. Then she would see! Then she would regret ever saying something so cruel! So, here it is. Sam deserved the life he was given and the freedom he got. This will contain spoilers. It will be sad and it will possibly make you cry. Enjoy it, or even better don’t, and then leave your comments to tell my mom how horrible her thought was. Note: I stole some of these quotes, but changed them slightly. ^.^

“I’m glad you are here with me,” Frodo whispered through parched, chapped lips. “Here at the end of all things, Sam.”
“Yes, I’m here with you, master,” Sam said, taking Frodo’s maimed hand gently. “And you’re with me. And the journey’s finished.”
Frodo sighed contentedly and lay back against the rock they rested on. Lava and fire fell around them, and already the rock was an island. Soon it would be covered completely. The two hobbits had made their journey knowing it would likely end in death, but had tried to forget in their terror. Now, however, looking right into Death’s eyes, they felt no fear, instead a strange combination of joy and sadness. The ring was gone. Frodo’s burden was taken away. And they were together. But they would not see home again.
“Sam…” Frodo murmured, his eyes closed. “I can see the Shire…. Bag End… the Brandywine River… Gandalf’s fireworks… the lights in the party tree…”
Sam gulped and added softly, “Rosie Cotton dancing. She had ribbons in her hair. She was so beautiful.”
Frodo opened his eyes and looked at Sam.
“If ever I was to marry someone,”Sam went on, “it would have been her.” A single tear traced its way down his cheek. “It would have been her.”
Frodo got up and embraced his best friend tenderly. “I’m sorry, Sam.” He leaned his head against Sam’s. “But I’m glad you’re here with me.”
“So am I.”
The two hobbits lay down at last, giving up and surrendering to death. Night fell on the day of the ring’s downfall and found them side by side, hand in hand.
“Frodo,” Sam whispered. It hurt to speak, but he knew he had to.
“Yes?” Frodo murmured.
“I… love…” He gasped for breath, and his voice failed him. It hardly mattered. As soon as it did so, Frodo lost consciousness.

Frodo awoke to find himself lying in a soft white bed.He lay still, staring up at the ceiling, trying to piece together what had happened. He had passed out on Mount Doom. The ring was gone. Then wasn’t he dead? Slowly, Frodo,placed his hand on his chest and felt his heart beating. He was alive. He had gone to sleep beside…
Frodo sat bolt upright. Sam! Where was Sam? He should be here too.
“Well, well,” a voice said. Frodo saw suddenly that sitting in a chair beside his bed was an old man dressed all in white, smoking a clay pipe. “I was beginning to think you would not wake.”
“Gandalf?!” Frodo exclaimed. “I thought you were dead! But then, I thought I was dead myself.”
“That you are not,” Gandalf said, smiling. “You are in the land of Ithilien, in the keeping of the King, and he has tended you.”
“King? What king?”
“You shall meet him soon, or should I say, you will meet him again. I daresay you shall recognize him. Your cousins are here, too.”
“Merry and Pippin? They’re here?”
“Surprise!” shouted a cheerful voice, and the door burst open. In ran Frodo’s cousins Merry and Pippin, and they jumped onto his bed tackling him in a huge hug.
“We missed you!” Pippin chirped, throwing his arms around Frodo’s neck.
“Pip, you’re going to smother him,” Merry laughed.
Frodo laughed too, and finally they let go of him and sat down on the bed in front of him. Their smiles were wide, but Frodo noticed that their eyes were sad.
“Legolas and Gimli are here too,” Pippin said. “They’re off fighting somewhere probably, but don’t worry. They’re friends now.”
“Strider’s nearby,” Merry said. “With his GIRLFRIEND. The elf, Arwen, you know her –“
“She’s really pretty,” Pippin interrupted. “She gave me a hug. I thought I was going to pass out.”
Frodo smiled. Then the smile slipped off. “Wait a minute,” he said. “Where’s Sam?”
Merry and Pippin bit their lips and glanced at Gandalf.. “Frodo…”
“Where is he?” Frodo asked, sitting up and looking hard at both of them.
“We didn’t want to tell you until you’d recov-“
Pippin’s eyes filled with tears. “He didn’t…” he whispered.
Frodo stared at him. “He didn’t wake up yet you mean. That’s what you mean. Right?”
Merry buried his face in his hands.
Gandalf came over and sat on the edge of the bed, laying his hand on Frodo’s shoulder. “Frodo,” he said gently. “There is something we need to tell you.”
“No,” Frodo said, covering his ears. “Stop it. I don’t want to hear it. You’re all being horrible.”
Gandalf took Frodo’s hands and pulled them away from his ears. “Frodo, Sam is dead.”
Frodo looked up at Gandalf, his eyes wide with shock and horror. “He’s what?” he whispered.
“He is dead,” Gandalf repeated. “He died a hero. I guided the eagles to Mount Doom. They l lifted the two of you from the mountain and brought you back here.”
“You were still breathing, but only barely,” Merry said. “Strider and a whole group of healers were working on you. They gave you mouth-to-mouth and some medicine.”
“They bandaged the place your finger used to be,” Pippin added. “And they cleaned you up and washed all your wounds.”
“But Sam was already gone,” Merry went on, tears falling down his rosy cheeks. “I checked myself. At first I didn’t believe it. But then I had to accept it. He wasn’t breathing. His heart had stopped, and he didn’t have a pulse.”
“That was a few days ago,” Gandalf said. “They brought you here. And then they buried Sam in a grand ceremony. All of Gondor came to pay their respects, and many of Rohan’s people, and the elves. Even some dwarves were in attendance to honor the hobbit who assisted in the destruction of the Ring.”
Frodo listened to the entire horrifying story, open-mouthed. “Sam’s dead?” he said again.
Merry and Pippin caught Frodo as he sank back down in a dead faint. A few moments later he opened his eyes again. “He’s dead?” he wept. Tears were pouring from his eyes and screams tore his throat. Merry and Pippin stroked Frodo’s back as sobs racked his body.
“I’m sorry, Frodo,” Gandalf said. “We all loved him.”
“What are we going to tell Rosie?” Pippin asked.
Gandalf looked confused. “Who’s Rosie?”
“Didn’t you know?” Merry asked. “She’s a girl from the Shire. Sam was in love with her.”
Gandalf tried to look as though his heart hadn’t just broken.
Frodo looked up. “You don’t get it, do you?” he whispered. “Sam died for me. He gave me all the food and all the water, and he carried me up the mountain on his shoulders. He didn’t have enough strength! He overexerted himself. I should have told him not to! I should have made him drink more and eat more! It’s all my fault! He’s dead because of me!”
“It’s not your fault, Frodo,” Pippin soothed him.
“You didn’t kill him, Frodo!” Merry pleaded. “It wasn’t your fault!”
Frodo tore himself away from his cousins. Then, worn out, he collapsed onto the bed, burying his eyes in his arms and sobbing his heart out. Pippin tucked a blanket around his shoulders. He kissed Frodo on the forehead. Merry did likewise, and they climbed off the bed soundlessly. Gandalf ushered them out of the room, took a long, sad look at Frodo lying weeping in the bed, and followed the hobbits out.

Frodo slept in overwhelmed fits of sorrow. When he was awake, he thought of Sam. Images filled his mind of Sam singing, smiling, holding him, doing everything he could to make Frodo happy. When he slept, his dreams were filled with darkness, pain and fire. He would wake up screaming and then cry even harder because Sam wasn’t there to comfort him. Finally in late afternoon he was woken by a cool hand on his brow. His big blue eyes fluttered open, to lock onto the image of a handsome young man with brown eyes and long golden hair.
“Legolas,” Frodo breathed.
Legolas smiled sadly. “How are you feeling?”
“Awful,” Frodo admitted, fresh tears filling his eyes. “Is Gimli here?”
“Yes, but he’s blocking me,” Gimli said, stepping out from behind Legolas. “Hello, lad.”
Frodo smiled weakly.
“I’m sorry about Sam,” Legolas said. “I liked him. He made me laugh. And he liked flowers and plants, too, which I respect of course.”
“He listened to the tales of my ancient ancestors,” Gimli commented. “He alone, of all the fellowship. And I think he actually enjoyed them.”
Frodo nodded, unable to think of anything to say.
“Merry and Pippin are with Aragorn in the citadel,” Legolas said. “We came to see how you’re doing. Do you want to see where they buried him?”
“Can I?” Frodo asked.
“Technically, no,” Gimli replied. “The king wants you to recover first. But we snuck here to take you all the same. If you want to see him, they should allow you to. But if you don’t think you can face it, then you should stay here.”
“You’d do that?” Frodo asked, surprised. “Won’t the king be angry?”
Legolas extended a slender hand and pulled Frodo to his feet. “That’s what friends are for, Frodo. Do you want to see it or not?”
“Yes,” Frodo said. He knew he was likely going to break down and cry, but he couldn’t help it. Legolas and Gimli led him out of the tent and through a line of them, up a road to a brook. Beside this was a flowering tree, and underneath it was a headstone that read, “Here lies Samwise Gamgee, hero of all the world.”
Frodo knelt down beside the headstone and ran his fingers over the words chiseled into it. Tears blurred his vision, falling and spattering the freshly turned earth all about him. Legolas and Gimli stood a good ten feet back, giving him space.
“Sam,” Frodo whispered. “I’m sorry that I killed you. I never meant for you to get hurt, but you died for me. I…” he broke off. “Why are you doing this?” he thought. “It isn’t like he can hear you.”
Frodo thought of Sam’s warm brown eyes and felt even worse knowing he had never gotten to say goodbye. He kissed the headstone, as though it were his friend’s brow, and then collapsed forwards over it, unconscious. Legolas rushed to his side, picked him up, and carried him back to his tent. Merry and Pippin were already there.
“Did you –“ Pippin began.
Gimli nodded.
Merry looked down at Frodo’s limp form as Legolas set him in the bed. “Strider won’t be happy.”
“Maybe I don’t care,” Legolas said.
Gimli sighed deeply. “This should not have happened.”
“No, it shouldn’t have.” Legolas stood up and shook back his hair, squaring his shoulders. “But it did. Sam is gone. We must all begin to accept that.”
Frodo stirred and sat up. “Did I pass out again?” he asked.
Legolas nodded, took his hand, and squeezed it. “Don’t be ashamed.”
Frodo bowed his head. “Sam was the best friend I ever had,” he said softly. “I loved him like a brother, and now he’s dead.”
Merry cupped Frodo’s chin and titled it so they were eye-to-eye. “Yes, Frodo. Sam is dead. But you are not. You still have a life to live and things to live it for, and throwing all that aside to cry until your dying day is the worst thing you could possibly do to honor his memory. He would not want you to do that, and he will always live in your thoughts and in your heart.”
Amid his tears, Frodo smiled. “You’ve gone and grown up on me, Merry.” He sighed deeply. “But you’re right. Still, I’m never going to forget him.”
“I’m not telling you to.”
“Okay.” Frodo sank down into his bed again and closed his eyes. The others stayed with him until he fell asleep. Then one by one they slipped away.

In his dreams, Frodo saw Sam standing by his side. His eyes were tearful, but he smiled. Caressing Frodo’s bangs, he whispered, “be strong.”
“But I miss you so much,” Frodo replied. He caught Sam’s hand and pressed it to his cheek. He didn’t want to wake up. Ever.
“Go home, and be happy, like Merry told you,” Sam said. “Tell Rose I’m sorry I didn’t come back for her. And then live the life I died to give you. I knew what I was doing when I gave everything up for you, and I didn’t regret it. Because you are my best friend and I. Love. You.”
Frodo’s eyes filled with tears yet again.
“I will always be with you,” Sam whispered, kissing Frodo’s cheek.

Then Frodo woke up and the dream was gone. He wrenched a hand over his forehead and closed his eyes. Then he opened them, took a deep breath, and stepped out of bed and into the rest of his life.


There. That is why Sam deserved to live. Because he had something to live for. Rose. (And Frodo.) He did not deserve what I just did to him in that fanfiction, SO THERE MOM!

The Fellowship’s Chatroom

Elendilsheir has joined the chat

Elendilsheir: Am I the only one online right now?

Leggsielovesarrows has joined the chat

Pip has joined the chat

Merryisawesome has joined the chat

Gimlithegreat has joined the chat

Leggsielovesarrows: Nope, I’m here too.

Pip: & me im here 2.

Merryisawesome: Pippin, stop with the text lingo. I already told you that.

Ringbearer has joined the chat

Po-ta-toeSam has joined the chat

Ringbearer: How are you guys all doing?

Gimlithegreat: I’m wasted on cross-country. We dwarves are natural sprinters and yet Aragorn’s making me do all this running around in the battles.

Po-ta-toeSam: Ugh, that stinks.

Leggsielovesarrows: Well, we need to fight the orcs, after all.

Ringbearer: Oh, you guys are fighting the orcs?

Elendilsheir: Why yes, as a matter of fact we’re distracting them while you go to Mordor.

Ringbearer: …

Po-ta-toeSam: …

Ringbearer: Should we tell them?

Gimlithegreat: Tell us what?

Po-ta-toeSam: Yeah, go ahead.

Ringbearer: Um, we’re actually in the middle of the orc army right now.

Merryisawesome: WHAT?!

Pip: O no that iz 2 bad u must get out now 0.0

Merryisawesome: So what are you going to do?

Ringbearer: No idea – wait Sam, that orc is looking at us! He must see the laptops glowing!

Po-ta-toeSam: Ack! What do we do?

Leggsielovesarrows: Turn it off!

Po-ta-toeSam: How do I turn it off?

Ringbearer: Hit the button, obviously!

Po-ta-toeSam: Right you are Mr. Frodo!

Po-ta-toeSam has left the chat

Ringbearer: Talk to you guys later if we don’t die.

Ringbearer has left the chat

Merryisawesome: I hope they’ll be okay…

Pip: Fro is my cuz & I is worried abt him and Sam wht if they cant get away from the orcs that wld b bad.

Gimlithegreat: Can you speak Common Speech please?

Merryisawesome: I think that translates to “Frodo is my cousin and I am worried about him and Sam. What if they can’t get away from the orcs? That would be bad.”

Pip: Yes that is wht I mnt.

Leggsielovesarrows: …

Gimlithegreat: …

Elendilsheir: He called Frodo “Fro”?

Gandalfthewhite has joined the chat

Gandalfthewhite: Hello.

Elendilsheir: GANDALF. *tackle hugs*

Gandalfthewhite: Where’s Frodo and Sam?

Leggsielovesarrows: They’re with the orcs.

Gandalfthewhite: Yikes. That’s a problem.

Gimlithegreat: Yes, it is, and besides all that Aragorn’s making me do all this running around.

Gandalfthewhite: I see.

Leggsielovesarrows: Stop complaining, Gimli.

Pip: Figwit has more fangirls than u Legolas i saw it on the net hes ppulr and famus peple like him he has more fangirls. I have fangirls.

Merryisawesome: I have two or three fangirls.

Leggsielovesarrows: Hello, I have enough fangirls to form a small army.

Pip: Hello, Figwit has enof fangirls to frm a large army. U only has a small rmy dat is funny.

Merryisawesome: Pippin, enough with the chat speak!

Elendilsheir: I have enough fangirls to form a teeny army, but that’s still better than Gandalf who has enough fangirls to form an army where the numbers are all to the right of the decimal point.

Gandalfthewhite: *glower*

Pip: O gosh Strider he has gvn you the gandalf glare i should no I have been gvn it many times wen he sad i was a fool of a took. >.<

Gimlithegreat: I have zero fangirls and that’s okay! You don’t see many dwarf women anyway.

Merryisawesome: I thought the dwarf women are extinct.

Pip: Merry that iz stupid where would the dwarves come frm if they was extnct I ask u.

Leggsielovesarrows: Okay, we’re NOT getting into that.

Gandalfthewhite: …

Gimlithegreat: …

Elendilsheir: …

Merryisawesome: … don’t they just spring out of holes in the ground?

Gimlithegreat: Oh, that’s funny. Do it again, Hahahahahaha!


Gandalfthegrey: Fool of a Took, you can’t combine terms in texting lingo.

Meryisawesome: Why?

Gandalfthewhite: Because unless you are a fool – which you are – you don’t use text lingo in the first place!

Pip: Hey dat is mean i m not a fool plz don’t say that u has hurt my feelings.

Po-ta-toeSam rejoined the chat.

Po-ta-toeSam: What’s up, I’m back.

Pip: SAM.

Merryisawesome: Where’s Frodo?

Po-ta-toeSam: He’s asleep.

Leggsielovesarrows: How’s it going for you guys, anyway?

Po-ta-toeSam: Not great.

Gandalf thewhite: Why don’t you send us a picture?

Po-ta-toeSam: image

Leggsielovesarrows: Aw that’s cute.

Pip: Iz his head on ur shouldr.

Po-ta-toeSam: No it’s on a rock.

Pip: Gosh ur filthy

Merryisawesome: Pippin! That’s so rude!

Pip: What he is

Gimlithegreat: That’s not at all polite.

Po-ta-toeSam: It’s okay if you like I can send you a selfie I took two weeks ago when we weren’t all dirty.

Pip: Yesyesyes


Leggsielovesarrows: Haha I’m still better looking than all of you.

Gimlithegreat: Nooo not Legolas selfies. Someone kill me.

Leggsielovesarrows: Heehee.image



Pip: U r bing photobombed by Gimli.

Leggsielovesarrows: Wait, why did I post that picture oh gosh where’s the delete key.

Gimlithegreat: Hahahahahahahahahaha….

Po-ta-toeSam: Ooooookkkkkkk……

Merryisawesome: I think the picture of Frodo and Sam is better.

Po-ta-toeSam: The one where I look blond or the one where I look ginger?

Merryisawesome: Both.

Pip: Yes me 2.

Po-ta-toeSam: *embarressed blush*

Gandalfthewhite: Yes yes very cute and all but we have a battle here.

Elendilsheir: Oh, I forgot.

Pip: Whoops.

Po-ta-toeSam: And I should probably make sure Frodo’s not like dying of dehydration or something.

Merryisawesome: Okay, well message us when you destroy the ring.

Leggsielovesarrows: Yes, do that.

Gimlithegreat: Bye everyone.

Gimlithegreat has left the chat

Gandalfthewhite: Aragorn, I’m serious.

Elendilsheir: Fine.

Gandalfthewhite has left the chat

Elendilsheir has left the chat

Leggsielovesarrows: Later, I’m off to be fabulous.

Leggsielovesarrows has left the chat

Pip: Bye Sam.

Merryisawsome: Tell Frodo we love him he’s our cousin after all.

Po-ta-toeSam: Will do.

Merryisawesome has left the chat

Pip has left the chat

Po-ta-toeSam has left the chat.