Modern Multi Mash-up

Modern Mulit Mash-up is a fast-paced, rip-roaring comedy of a fanfiction that combines characters from The Lord of the Rings, The Legend of Zelda, The Hunger Games, Star Wars, and Merlin. Anything can happen! Anyone can die! Any boy and girl can be paired up – even if they’re from totally different fandoms. For book one I am only allowed to bring in five good guys and three bad guys max per fandom. The rules in book two are different, but it’ll be a while before we get there. Enjoy the ultimate fandom comedy!

~~~

Chapter One: New Friends

(Note: The opening is the same as the opening in  Majora’s Mask, Zelda)

In the land of Hyrule, there echoes a legend. A legend held dear by the royal family that tells of a boy…
A boy who, after battling evil and saving Hyrule, crept away from the land that had made him a legend…
Done with the battles he once waged across time, he embarked on a journey. A secret and personal journey…
A journey in search for a beloved and invaluable friend….
A friend with whom he parted ways when he finally fulfilled his heroic destiny and took his place among legends…
(Now this part is me, not Majora’s Mask.)

Unfortunately, this boy took a wrong turn while traveling. Lost and confused, he wandered hopelessly from land to land. Two years passed, then three. The boy called Link was now sixteen, and, unbeknownst to him, he had entered a legend and a land that did not belong to him. This land was called Mirkwood…..

“Where am I?” Link mused. “There’s no way I can still be in Hyrule.”
“GO NOW FURTHER,” came a voice from the trees. Link looked up and saw a flash of blond. Shivering, he rode on.
“RETURN FROM THE LIGHT FROM WHICH YOU COME!”
“Leave me alone!” Link said into the darkness.
“NEVER!”
“Then show yourself!”
“Heh.. you’re a brave boy,” the voice sneered. “Well, you asked for it!” From the trees dropped a handsome blond elf. He was holding a bow and arrow, and he was pointing it at Link.
“Who are you?” Link asked.
“That is for me to ask! Who are you?”
“I’m Link.”
“And I,” the elf said, tossing his head, “am LEGOLAS!” He smiled, waiting for a reaction.


“Oh,” Link said. “Right.”
“Don’t tell me you don’t know who I am!”
“Well… alright, I won’t tell you.”
Legolas grabbed his hair and began to bang his head against a tree. “I am Legolas! Awesomest person ever to live, hero of the universe, beloved of all women.”
“I thought that was me,” Link smirked. “I have a lot of fangirls where I come from.”
“You?” Legolas stopped banging his head on the tree and laughed. “I have good hair. I have a British accent. I have a bow and arrow. What do you have?”
“I have great hair, no accent, a bow, a quiver, some arrows, some bombs, three deku sticks, and sixty-seven ruppees.”
“Wow,” Legolas said. “I don’t say this often, but I’m impressed.”
“Thank you,” Link said wearily. “Can you give me directions to Hyrule?”

“No, but I can give you directions to Gondor, or Mordor, or Valinor, or Lorien.”

“Gondor sounds cool.”

“I’ll give you a map. No, I’ll take you there myself!”

“Oh no, that won’t be -”

“Let me just go get my horse!”
Link sighed as Legolas ran off. “Joy.”
They rode on and on for hours. Legolas kept glancing around as though something were wrong, but then he would frown and avert his gaze back to the road, or make some comment about how awesome he looked. Link was getting fed up.
“This isn’t right,” Legolas said finally. “We’re lost.”
“It’s the lost woods!” Link exclaimed. “I’m home!”
“Wait, you brought me here? HOW DARE YOU! I hate you! I knew from the minute I saw your green nightcap bobbing under my trees that you were a lame-o and now I’m right, and you…”
“Hi, Legolas,” said a small voice.
Link and Legolas turned around but they saw no one.
“Down here.”
Link and Legolas looked down and there stood a small red-haired hobbit.


“Hullo, Pippin,” Legolas said. “What are you doing here?”
“I went into the woods and they let out here,” Pippin said sadly. “At this rate I’m going to be late for teatime!”
“Hmm,” Link mused. “Could it be that the Lost Woods lead to other legends?”
Legolas and Pippin glared at him. “This is ALL your fault!”
“Hey now,” Link said, holding up his hands innocently. “What did I do?”
They remained glaring.
“Here’s a thought,” Link said, “since I can’t bring you home – I mean, it’s a miracle we didn’t turn into stalfoses anyway – how about i find you a place to stay?”
“Yes, it’s your responsibilty,” Pippin agreed. “Lead the way.”

Meanwhile in Camelot…
“Merlin!” Arthur called. “Merlin, come clean my armor.”
The wizard was nowhere in sight.
“Have you seen Merlin?” Arthur asked as he passed Gwaine in the hall.
“No,” Gwaine answered. “Maybe he’s in the Tavern again.”
“Probably. Go fetch him for me, would you?”
“Me! What did I do?”
“Just get to it, alright?”
With a frown and a bow, Gwaine exited.
Arthur went back to his room and crashed on the bed. He rose at once, however, when Guenivere entered. “Hullo, Gwen,” he said, turning bright red. Gwen flashed a smile and ran her hands idly along the bookshelf.


“You ought to get Merlin in here to dust,” she said.
“I would if I could find him.”
Merlin came in. “Here I am, sire.”
“Merlin, wher’ve you been?”
“Er…”
“Not in the Tavern, I hope.”
“No!” Merlin exclaimed, crossing his fingers behind his back. “What makes you think a silly thing like that?”
Arthur stared hard at him.
Merlin sighed. “Alright, alright – but not for why you think! I was meeting with Leon.”
“What were you and Leon talking about?”
“How to defeat Morgana, of course.”
“Of course,” Arthur sighed. “If only she’d just die already.”
Leon and Gwaine burst into the room. “Sir, I couldn’t find Merlin,” Gwaine said.
Merlin cleared his throat.
“Oh, hello,” Gwaine said absently.
“Sire, Morgana has been found in the woods!” Leon exclaimed.
“Ready our horses,” Arthur said, grabbing his sword.
“I’m coming too!” Gwen exclaimed, stepping forward.

About an hour later, Gwen, Merlin, Arthur, Leon, and Gwaine were hopelessly lost in the woods. “This is all your fault, Leon!” Arthur roared.
“No, it was Gwaine who told me Morgana was here!”
“But it was you who suggested-”
Suddenly a green haired girl came into view, swinging a basket and singing. She was about twelve. And she was right in their path.


Also, she appeared not to notice them.
“Move!” Merlin screamed, trying to rein his horse.
The girl crashed to the side, spilling the berries in her basket, just as the horses thundered past. They quickly stopped their horses, ans Gwen dropped down next to her. “Don’t cry,” she said gently as the girl burst into tears. “My name is Gwen. What’s yours?”
“S..saria,” the girl sniffled.
“That’s a lovely name,” Gwen said, smiling.
Saria looked up at the visitors. “Who are you?”
“I’m Merlin,” Merlin said. “This is Arthur,”
“King Arthur,” Arhtur hissed.
“…and Gwaine and Leon,” Merlin finished, ignoring the king.
“We’re lost,” Gwaine said, “and we have nowhere to stay.”
“And your hair is really pretty,” Leon said, hoping that if they got on Saria’s good side she would help them out.
It worked. Saria beamed at him and fixed her headband. “I’ll help you,” she said. “Kokiri Village is nearby, my home. My best friend Link reappeared with some visitors today. I was gathering food for them.” She displayed her basket. “One of them eats a lot, so we need lots of it.”
Leon, Merlin, Arthur, Gwaine, and Gwen followed Saria to a small village. There were many small children gathered around a fire, along with two elves and a hobbit.
“‘Evening,” Merlin said. Link and Pippin smiled. Legolas frowned, sizing him up. He was surrounded by small girls.
“Would you like some more berries, Mr. Legolas?” one of them asked.
Legolas took a handful of berries and munched, still eyeing Merlin.
“Oh Mr Legolas, how perfect you are!” the girl sqeaked.
“You’re absolutely GORGEOUS,” another girl gushed. “Take my berries, too!”
“I don’t like him,” Legolas thought, eyeing Merlin. “There’s something about him I can’t put my finger on…”
The visitors from Camelot sat and were given nuts, berries, fruit, and salad. Saria went to stand by Link and offered him a glass of water. He took it, smiling. Merlin almost thought he saw him wink at the green-haired girl.
Pippin stuffed his face with any food put in reach.

Two little girls began fanning Legolas with palm leaves. Saria whispered something to Link and he laughed hysterically. The green-haired girl smiled, clearly very pleased with herself.
What’s so funny?” Pippin thought. “I wish I were home, but hey, at least the food here is first-class. Still, I need some privacy so I can plan my return home. I’m tired,” he said, announcing this last bit aloud.
“It must be getting late,” Link said, looking up. “Well, now we have to find a place for all out guests to stay.”
“Gwen can stay in my house,” Saria said shyly. Gwen smiled and said that would be fine.
They ended up filling the meadow with makeshift “beds” fashioned from spare matresses and blankets. Link was glad he didn’t have to surrender his bed, as he crashed into it. “It’s good to be home,” he murmured, and then he fell asleep.


Chapter Two
Nabooru Arrives

“Link, we have GOT to find a better solution,” Saria said. They were holding a mini-meeting in Link’s room. Yesterday they had tried to take the visitors home, only to rush back out of the woods three minutes later, as Legolas’s hair had started falling off. “It’s the first sign of becoming a skeleton,” Link had explained. “First you lost your hair-”
“Then your clothes,” Saria added.
“Then your skin….”
Legolas had taken a three-hour shower, during which he shampooed his precious hair about fifty times, before he felt better.

“Well yes, we definetly need a better solution,” Link sighed, “but what?”
“We need help,” Saria said. “Who do we know who’s really good at planning?”
“Me?”
“SHE has confidence in herself, amd she never shies away from trouble.”
“Zelda?”
“No,” they both said.
“Not Zelda,” Saria said. “She’s really strong, and se’s a leader -plus she’s good at making friends…”
“I got it!” Link exclaimed triumphantly. “Nabooru!”
“That took long enough,” Saria smirked.

Nabooru arrived a few days later wearing a traveller’s closk and carrying two carpetbags. “Well, I’m here,” she said, kicking off her shoes and hanging up her cloak.
“You got my letter, then?” Saria asked.
“Mmm hmm,” Nabooru nodded, setting her carpetbags in a corner. “Aveil’s in charge while I’m here. So, where is everyone?”


“I’ll introduce you. They’re outside.”
“Let me change first, okay? I’m covered in sand.”
“I understand,” Saria said. “Come meet me when you’re done.” With that, she left.
Merlin and Legolas were in the field. Legolas was signing autographs for the kokiri girls. Merlin was lounging by a bubbling pot reading a book.
“Heya,” Saria said, floppin down next to him. He was her favorite visitor.
“Heya,” Merlin replied, flipping a page. She was his favorite of the kokiri.
“Nabooru’s here,” Saria told him, looking into the pot.
“Is she another kid?” Legolas called.
Saria made a face and stirred the mixture. “No, she’s twenty.”
Legolas brightened. “Finally! I’m going to go brush my hair.” The kokiri girls grabbed at him, protesting.
“I’m gonna go find everyone else,” Saria said, handing Merlin his spoon. “Stir that or it’ll be ruined.”
Pippin trudged along slowly, eyes on the road. He didn’t even notice Saria coming, until they had crashed into each other.
“Watch we’re you’re going!” he snapped, looking up. “Oh, it’s Saria,” he thought. “She’s pretty nice.” He helped her up.


“Sorry about that,” Saria said, fixing her headband. “It was my fault.”
“Nah, it was mine,” Pippin said. “Is that friend of yours here yet? You said she’d be coming today.”

As a matter of fact, Nabooru had just left Saria’s house, dressed in a strapless top and slim pants. “Where’d Saria go?” she mused.
Legolas straightened up when he saw her. “Is that Nabooru?” he marveled. “Wow! She’s beautiful!” He walked over to her, letting his overly-shampooed hair swish back and forth behind him. “Hey there,” he said in his handsomest voice. “Looking for something?”
“Oh.” She flashed a quick style. “Yeah, have you seen Saria?”
“She’s with Pippin,” Legolas said, pointing. “So, you must be Nabooru.”
“Saria told you about me?”
“Not everything,” Legolas said slyly. “I was kinda hoping you’d tell me yourself…?”
Nabooru smiled hesitantly. “Well, um…”
Luckily, she was saved by Saria reappearing with Gwen, Merlin, Arthur, and Pippin. “Nabooru, Gwen Pippin Merlin and Arthur,” she said by way of introductions.
“What is she wearing?” Gwen thought. “It’s nice to meet you.”
The seven of them walked around the forest, talking. Despite Gwen’s opinion of Nabooru’s clothes, they became fast friends, and almost instantly had linked arms. Merlin and Legolas, as always, avoided each other.

“Well, that went well,” Link said.
“I like them,” Nabooru said. “Except Legolas. He’s creepy.”
“You’re just saying that because he likes you,” Saria said.
“True. Well, meeting over, then?”
“Meeting over.”
Saria climbed down Link’s ladder, and went home to bed.

Pippin sighed. No matter what way he turned, he couldn’t get comfortable. “I want to go home,” he groaned, pulling a blanket over his head.

~~~

^.^ I looooove torturing Legolas. Just wanted to say that. Here’s more!

~~~

Chapter Three
Visitors from a galaxy far, far away.

They began work on houses for the guests. Legolas, Leon, and Gwaine chopped down trees – or, rather. Leon and Gwaine did.
“Ach!” Legolas screamed as a tree fell. “I just combed my hair! The wind from the tree falling will mess it up! It’s losing it’s shimmer!” He held up a lock, examining it with horror. “IT’S LOSING IT’S SHIMMER!”
“You’re such a diva, Legolas,” Gwaine said, rolling his eyes and splitting the log.


“Yeah, we don’t care about your dramatic issues, pretty boy,” Leon agreed.
“Pretty boy?! I have good hair. I have a British accent. I have -”
“Not this again,” Gwaine sighed, dragging the log over to Nabooru and Link. They were setting the logs up in a circle and hammering them together.
“Thanks,” Nabooru said, taking the log and turning it round side out. “We’ve got enough now, so start the second house, okay?”
Meanwhile, up a tree, Saria and Merlin were trying to see who could blast leaves into their buckets faster.
“I got this,” Merlin said, ripping leaves off the trees and flinging them.
“However,” Saria reminded him, “I am the Forest sage.”
“You two stop fooling around,” Nabooru scolded. “Get that roof made!”
Saria grabbed a bunch of leaves, set them in her bucket, and scrambled up a ladder leaning beside the house. Merlin followed. They had already laid the thatch roof, but now it needed to be packed in with leaves and mud. Saria emptied out her bucket and spread its contents with her hands, grinning as the cool mud oozed through her fingers.

Gwen and Pippin were digging out a hobbit-hole for Pippin. He refused to sleep up a tree or at ground level, but he said a small hole would do, maybe only a room or two. It was taking a while.
“Let’s take a break,” Gwen said, mopping her forehead with her sleeve. “I want to help Arthur saw the furniture.”
“Okay,” Pippin agreed, laying down his shovel. He decided to go for a walk. Unfortunately, he somehow found himself in the Lost Woods.
“Oh, drat,” he muttered. “How’d I get here?”
Suddenly in the distance, he thought he heard voices. “…Don’t know how we got here,” a woman’s voice was saying.


“An accident it was,” croaked an old voice. “Sorry, I am.”
“Weirdly, you talk,” a man grumbled. “The point is, green guy, we’re lost!”
“Hey, be nice to Yoda,” a second man said defensively.
Intrigued, Pip followed his ear and came upon a beautiful woman, two men, a green…thing….. and a robot.
“All I’m saying,” the brunette man sighed, “is- hey, you! Who are you?”
Pippin froze.
The man whipped out a gun and aimed it at the hobbit. “Don’t move!”

“Han, you’re scaring him,” the woman scolded. “Put the gun away!”

Han scowled and slid his gun back into its holster.
“I’m Leia,” the woman said gently. “This is Luke, my brother.”
The blond man bowed.
“And Han, my boyfriend,” Leia went on, frowning, “who’s a little trigger happy, and therefore shoots trees and walls and anything else that annoys him…”
“Yoda I am,” the green thing said. “Weird feet, you have.”
“A weird face, you have,” Pippin thought, but he restrained himself. “I’m Pippin.”
“Do you live nearby?” Luke asked.


“I – sort of,” Pippin said. “I’m sort of what you’d call a permanent guest. Kokiri village is nearby. Follow me.”
“Should we trust him?” Han whispered.
“Our only hope it is,” Yoda said.
Nabooru gaped at the visitors. “M-more?” She stammered.
“oh no,” Link groaned, “not AGAIN.”

Chapter Four
The Armies of Evil

Deep in the underground caverns beneath Hyrule, Ganondorf had reawakened. Unbeknownst to the sages, the seal that imprisoned him had been broken by time and he, along with his followers – both monsters and Hylians who had betrayed their country to join his service – were waiting and biding their time. He sat upon a throne of stolen gold, lost in daydreams of the day when Link, the hero who had defeated him, would feel the bite of his sword…..


“Massssster,” whispered a lizalfolos as it slithered into his chamber, “There issss a man here to sssssse you.”
“What is his name.” asked Ganondorf.
“He did not say. I apologize. Shall I send him in?”

“Go ahead.” Ganondorf leaned back in his throne.
A moment later, a man wearing black armor and a black cape swept into the room. Ganondorf stood to welcome him. “Greetings,” he said. “I am the dark lord Ganondorf, king of evil.”
“i know,” the man replied. “Tales of your terrible evilness have spread far and wide.”
Ganondorf was flattered. “And who are you, sir?” he asked.
“I am known as Darth Vader. I came to tell you that you should join the dark side.”


“What’s that?”
“It is an art practiced by the most evil beings in the universe.”
“Man, that sounds AWESOME!” Ganondorf said, forgetting his formal manner for a second. “How soon can I join?”
“As soon as you like. Now, even.”
“Deal!” They shook hands. “Now,” Ganondorf said wickedly, “I can destroy my sworn enemies!”
“What enemies – may I call you Gannie?”
“Absolutely not. You may call me Ganondorf.”
“Dorfie?” Vader offered.
“No.”
“Ganondorfie?”
“NO.” Ganondorf slammed his foot down.
“Very well,” Vader sighed. “What enemies, Ganondorf?”
“The seven sages, and the hero link!”
“And with you at my side,” Vader said, “I can crush the rebellion and dominate the galaxy!”
They laughed evilly, and did not quiet down for about ten minutes.

The lizalfolos returned. “Masssster,” he hissed, “there’s another man here to see you.”
“There is?” Ganondorf said, confused. “Well, show him in.”
An orc entered the chamber. “Who are you?” Vader asked, “and… what are you?”
“I’m Ugluk!” the orc snarled. “And I am here with…..” he looked around, confused. “Where’d he go?”
A wizard leaning on a staff came in.
“Ah, there he is,” Ugluk said.
Now Ganondorf was really confused. “Who in Hyrule are YOU?!”
“I AM SARUMAN!” the man bellowed, flashing out with his staff. “FEAR ME.”
“Would you two like to join the dark side?” Vader offered.
“Hmm…” Ugluk said. “Well what is it?”
“And why should we join?” Saruman added suspiciously.
“Come to the dark side.” Vader jabbed a finger at Ganondorf. “We have him.”
“Me?” Ganondorf said.
“Do something evil,” Ugluk prompted. “Show us.”
Ganondorf levitated and pounded the floor. A web of fissures spread out. All the villains jumped back, then laughed as at a clever trick.
“We’ll join,” Saruman said.
“Say, does the Dark Side need a giant man-eating spider?” Ugluk asked.
“Sure,” Vader said. “That would be useful.”
A large, creepy spider came in. “Meet Shelob,” said Ugluk. “She will lob webs at people and they will die. Very useful. She’ll live downstairs.”
The lizalfolos returned. “Massssster, there issss…”
“SHOW HIM IN!”
“… a woman here to see you,” the Lizalfolos finished.
“A woman?” Ganondorf was surprised. “Well, show her in.”
In came a woman with wavy black hair that tumbled to her waist. It was fashionably messy with leaves and twigs throughout, and she was wearing smoky black eyeshadow. She knelt on the floor before ganondorf.
“Rise,” he stammered. “Who are you?”
“I am the lady Morgana le Fae,” she said, standing and shaking back her hair.
“You’re pretty,” Ganondorf said without thinking. “Er- I mean – why are you here?”
“Only to pledge my service.”


“I’ll accept it. Welcome to the Army of Evil. Er, Morgana?”
“Mm?”
“Will you go out with me?”

~~~

Morgana x Ganondorf? Most perfect match ever!!!

~~~

Chapter Five
The Attack

Saria woke up to the sounds of screaming and loud booms. “Huh?” she muttered.
The door burst open and Link rushed in. “Saria!” he cried. “Saria, wake up!”
“I’m awake…” Saria dropped back under her covers and fell asleep again. Link scooped her up and carried her out of the house. It exploded behind them.
Saria woke up. “My house!” she exclaimed.
Link set her down. “I’m sorry, Saria.”
The rest of the kokiri, and their guests, were in the meadow. Link and Saria rushed to join them. “What’s going on?” Saria asked.
“We’re under attack,” Gwaine said.
“Heh heh heh…” came a voice from the sky. There was Vader in a TIE fighter and Ganondorf levitating. “Your petty efforts shall be of no avail.”
“Ganondorf!” Nabooru exclaimed. “It cannot be!”
“Dad?” Luke gasped.
Morgana appeared on a hill followed by horsemen. “Morgana!” Arthur cried.
Morgana smirked. “Hello, brother.”
“LEGOLAS!” screamed a kokiri girl who had gotten tangled up in a bush. “HELP ME!”
“Get the kokiri to safety!” Link called to Legolas. He nodded and helped the little girl scamper into Pippin’s hobbit-hole. The rest of the kokiri followed. Pippin helped Saria up and lead her into the hole.
“Prepare to die!” Vader cackled, aiming the guns.
Suddenly there was a flash of pink light and a beautiful blond girl appeared in front of the TIE fighter. She jumped gracefully to the ground by Link and held out her hands. “Give me the ocarina,” she whispered.


Pippin, Legolas, and Saria reappeared with swords. “Where are the bad guys?” Pippin roared.
“Everybody hang on!” Zelda called
“For WHAT?”
FLASH. Zelda played a few notes and she, Link, Saria, Nabooru, Legolas, Pippin, Gwaine, Merlin, Arthur, Gwen, Leon, Leia, Yoda, R2, Luke, and Han disappeared.

They reappeared in the Lost Woods. Before anyone could speak, Zelda said, “I feared this day would come. Ganondorf lives to destroy mankind, and elf-kind and hobbit-kind and everybody-else-kind.”
“And apparently he’s in league with Vader and Morgana,” Leia said.
“This is bad,” Luke muttered.
“What’ll we do?” Saria asked in dismay.
“Well it’s obvious, isn’t it?” Arthur said. “We’ll have to travel the legends and come up with ways to defeat the bad guys.”
“The only way to defeat Morgana is with a blad forged in a dragon’s breath,” Merlin said. “We can find one of those in Albia.”
“Albia?” Link asked.
“The country Camelot is in.”
“Oh.”
“Well, to Camelot,” Legolas said.
“Uh, hello?” Nabooru said. “We have no water, no food, no supplies…”
R2 shot out fourteen small bags. They grew in size until they could be worn as a backpack.
“What in Middle-Earth-” Pippin said.
“R2 is capable of shrinking objects,” Luke said, smiling. “I’ve always had him carry around thirty or so of these bags in case I ever need something.”
“Why so many?” Leon asked.
“So I don’t have to add new ones very often. I’m kind of lazy.”
“Oh.”
They each grabbed a backpack. Saria played a few notes on her ocarina and a cloud of fairies came to keep them from turning to Stalfoses.
“To Albia,” Gwaine said. “Can R2 navigate?”
R2 rolled off.


“Guess that means yes,” Leia said.
“This just keeps getting weirder and weirder,” Han muttered.

“Gwaine, wait for Zelda and Link,” Gwen called.

“Huh?” Gwaine turned around.
Oblivious to the world around them, Zelda and Link had taken each other’s hands. “I missed you,” Zelda said breathlessly. “While you were away… I thought you had forgotten me.”
“I could never forget you, Zelda.”
Zelda burst into tears and hugged him. “I love you,” she wept.
Saria, watching them, drew in her breath. “Please don’t say it,” she thought.
“And I love you, Zelda,” Link murmured.
“Saria?” Merlin put an arm across her shoulders, “are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine,” she lied.


Zelda and Link came back holding hands. “Saria!” Link exclaimed. “What’s wrong?”
“You’re heartless, kid,” Han observed.
Link was offended. “How so?”
“Never mind,” Nabooru said. “Let’s just get out of here.”
“To Albia.”
“How many times can you say that in a day, Gwaine?” Leon groaned.
“To Albia, to Albia, to Albia, to – ”
“STOP IT!”
“Let’s camp out for the night,” Pippin interrupted, setting down his pack and ripping out some food. “It must be past midnight.”
“How much are you planning ti eat?” Leia asked.
“A lot,” Pippin said, smiling.
Saria smiled weakly. The heroes ate dinner and settled down to sleep, leaving Luke on watch,

~~~

Oh my gosh. Fake ships are the best ships, right?

9/13/15

And now for more Pippin, and some Saria, and…. A new character. Let us be off!

@katoonirose – glad you’re still loving MMM!

~~~

Chapter Six: Katniss
“Small person”
Pippin groaned. “Why does he have to sleep under that tree when he can clearly see I’m right here?” he thought. “After all, I was here first.”
“Small person.”
“I wish he’d go away…”
“SMALL PERSON!”
“WHAT?!”
“My cand. To me, hand it.”
Pippin handed him the cane. “What do you need it for?”
“To the bathroom I must go.”
“And you wait until one o’clock in the morning?”
Yoda left and Pippin sighed, covering his head with a pillow. “I hate this place,” he thought. “No second breakfast, no elevenses, no teatime, and the food they do have is gross.” He rolled over on the hard ground. “But I’ve got a plan. When we get to Middle-Earth, it’s sayonara these guys hello Green Dragon. Now I just need a way to convince everyone to go to Middle-Earth…”

Saria sat by the fire crying softly on the girl’s side of camp. Leia, Nabooru, and Gwen were asleep, but she was too heartbroken. Link liked Zelda. They were probably going to get married. Would they even invite her to their wedding?

But she was a Kokiri. She would not grow up. Ever. Twelve for eternity. How could she dream Link would like her? But his eyes… his smile… the cute way he looked when he was embarrassed…

Leia sat up suddenly. Startled, Saria fell back.
“Oh, I’m sorry!” Leia said, helping her uP. “Still awake?”
“I can’t sleep.”
Nabooru and Gwen woke up. “Are you okay, Saria?” Nabooru asked.
Saria nodded. “It’s nothing.just Link…again…as always. But I don’t need a pity party, okay? I can – what was that?”
“What was what?” Gwen asked. There came a rustling from the bushes.
Out burst a girl of about seventeen. She had gray eyes and long brown hair pulled back into a braid. On her green vest was a golden pin of a bird with an arrow clutched in its beak. Over her shoulder was a quiver filled with arrows, and in her hands a bow.
“This isn’t the right place…” the girl muttered. “I could have sworn I set my traps over here somewhere.”
Saria recovered first. “Who are you?”
The girl looked down at her and suddenly had an arrow nocked. “Who are you?”


Nabooru, Leia, and Gwen stepped in front of Saria.
The girl smiled. “It’s alright. I’m Katniss Everdeen.”
“I’m Saria, and these are Gwen, Leia, and Nabooru.”
Katniss looked around. “Can you please direct me back to District Twelve?”
Nabooru rolled her eyes and laughed. “Okay, sit down. This will take a while to explain.”
And that was how Katniss Everdeen joined the heroes.

~~~

I feel nice, so here’s another chapter… two in one day is rare.

~~~

Chapter Seven
The shoot-out

“Lemme get this straight,” said Legolas. “A new girl arrived last night named Katniss Everdeen.”
“Correct,” said Gwaine, kneeling by a brook.
“She’s from a country called Panem, where annual contests are held called Hunger Games.”
“Correct.” Gwaine splashed water on his face.
“She’s seventeen, and she’s really pretty.”
“Correct.” Gwaine dried his face on a huge leaf.
“AND SHE USES A BOW!?”
“Ehat’s the big deal?” asked Gwaine. “Leia tols us Katniss is amazing.”
“Archery’s my thing! She can’t like archery!”
“Hey, Legolas?”
Legolas spun around to see Katniss and Nabooru.
“Hey, this is the boy’s side of camp!” Gwaine exclaimed.
“Whatever.” Katniss adjusted her quiver. “Do you want to have a shoot-out? Nabooru here -” she jabbed a finger at Nabooru – “tells me you’re a great archer.”
Legolas smiled at Nabooru. “Really? You said that?”
“don’t flatter yourself, elf. I said you knew how to shoot.”
“Oh.”
“You and me, elf,” Katniss conitinued. “It will be helpful to train.”
“Uh…”
“Unless you’re scared?”
“No!” Legolas said quickly, “I’ll do it!”

Legolas, Katniss, Leon, and Link stood before a target. Leon and Link, who knew a little about archery, had eagerly joined the contest, Link with his fairy bow and Leon with his crossbow. They each fired to the target for a warm-up shot.


“Go Katniss!” called Saria.
“How about, ‘go Link my best friend’?” Link asked her. She laughed.
“Three… two… one,” said Han, who was refereeing. “Fire!”
They shot their arrows.
Katniss and Legolas both hit dead center. Link’s was in the farthest ring. Leon’s came fairly close.
“Round two – Leon, Katniss, and Legolas!” Han said.
“Drat!” Link complained.
For round two they had to each hit a tree that was fifty feet away. Legolas and Katniss moved on to round three. For that round, they were showm a knothole and told to hit it as close to the center as possible. Legolas hit it in the dead center. There was no way Katniss could possibly hit any closer. “Well,” he said, “looks like-”
Katniss whipped out an arrow. When it hit the tree it exploded, destroying both the tree and Legolas’ arrow.
“….I think Katniss wins,” Han said.
“Good game,” said Katniss, turning on her heel as Legolas stared at his charred arrow.
“Finally, someone obliterated Legolas’s ego!” Saria cheered as everyone applauded.

~~~

And just because I feel super nice, here is a never-before seen thing on MH… a THIRD chapter in the same day!!! You will love this, regardless of what fandom you hail from.

~~~

Chapter Eight
The I Rule Hyrule Shuffle

“Close your eyes and don’t peek.”
“Oh, Gannie!”
Vader watched, annoyed, as Ganondorf lead Morgana to a horse he had stolen for her. “I’m not allowed to call him Gannie,” he observed.
Ugluk removed the knife he was using to pick his teeth from his mouth. “Because she’s his girlfriend. You aren’t his girlfriend.”
“Well, obviously,” Vader snapped. “I’m not a girl, am I?”
“I don’t know,” Ugluk said. “You’re wearing a helmet. Are you a girl?”
“NO.”
Morgana began sqeauling so annoyingly over the horse that Vader knocked a chair over. “Cut it out!”
“Don’t be mean to my girlfriend,” Ganondorf spat.
“You haven’t even gone on any dates!”
“Actually, I’m taking her to set fire to Kakriko Village tomorrow.”
“You are?” Morgana squealed. “Oh Gannie, you’re so romantic!”


“Gannie rhymes with Granny,” Saruman said. “Take out the ‘f’ in ‘ganondorf’ and replace it with a ‘k’ and you get ‘Ganondork’.”
“Saruman, please,” Morgana said. “Don’t be a fool.”
“So,” Ugluk said after a brief pause. “Does anyone have a plan?”
“I have a plan,” Ganondorf announced. “I have a MASTER plan that I worked very hard on. It’s called the ‘How to Obliterate Link, The Rebels, and anyone else who opposes us’ plan.”
They all stared at him.
“Observe,” Ganondorf said, pulling back a Shelob web to reveal a mural on the wall.
“Your artwork is terrible,” Vader said.
“That may be the dumbest thing I ever saw,” Saruman agreed.
“Let’s see.” Ugluk examined the mural closely. “We put spears at the bottom of a cliff, Link gets impaled on them, Shelob kills everyone, and the five of us stand happily on top of the world? That’s the plan?”
“Exactly,” Ganondorf smiled.
“I think it’s great,” said Morgana. “Except for one teeny tiny little itty bitty problem. Where’s the part where I take over Camelot?”
“That’s implied right here.” Ganondorf tapped the picture of them standing on the world. “Each of us dominates a world or legend, therefore I Rule Hyrule – hey, a rhyme! – and Morgana gets Camelot.”
“That rhyme was so awesome it deserves a song,” Vader said. “Here we go!
I Rule Hyrule
I’m just so cool
You are a fool
Woooh!”
“I like it!” Ganondorf said, breaking into a strange dance. “I Rule Hyrule
I’m just so cool
You are a fool,
Woooh!”
“Conga line!” Saruman said. The villains began to conga around the chamber.
“All together now!” Ganondorf said. “I. Rule. Hy. Rule.”
“I. Rule. Hy.Rule.”
“Ya know why?”
“WHY?!”
“Because I Rule Hyrule
I’m just so cool
You are a fool
Woooh!”
“Wooh!” Vader said.
“The I Rule Hyrule Shuffle!” Ganondorf declared. “WOOOOOOOH!”


“Oh, Gannie!” laughed Morgana.

~~~

Lolol. Oh, I just realized, this is all the copy-and-paste chapters. Tomorrow I have to do real work! *shudders*

9/16/15 Onward!

~~~

Chapter Nine

A Sword Forged in a Dragon’s Breath

“Are we in Camelot yet?” Luke gasped.

“Not quite,” Arthur said.

“We have got to find that sword!” Link said. He and Zelda were holding hands.

“It’s in a rock, deep in the woods,” Merlin explained.

Saria adjusted her headband. “The question is, where?”

“Saria, come here,” Katniss called.

Saria turned and walked to Katniss. “Yes?”

“Sit down.”

Saria sat on a stump.

“What are you doing?” asked Arthur.

“We’ll catch up!” Katniss called.

“Nah, let’s take a break.” Pippin stretched himself out on the ground and put his hands behind his head. “It’s almost dark, and besides, we have to set up camp.”

They bustled around, hanging hammocks, spreading blankets, and bumping into each other.

“I’m going to braid your hair, since you’re having so much trouble with it,” Katniss said. Delighted, Saria sat still while Katniss’ expert fingers flew through her hair, seperating sections and twining them together in a woven green pattern.

“Lovely,” Katniss said when she was done. “You look very grown up.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Saria smiled, gave her a hug, and skipped off to look at her reflection in a nearby pool of water.

“That was nice of you,” Leia said, leaning against a tree.

Katniss shrugged. “She reminds me of my little sister.”

“No one can help loving Saria,” Merlin said, coming over, peeling apples with a knife. “You hungry?”

“Not much.” Katniss went off to her sleeping roll.

“Tomorrow we find the sword,” Link said.

“Look,” Arthur said, tapping Leon on the shoulder. “Does that lake look familiar?”

Leon nodded. “It does,” Gwaine said.

“The sword should be right around here,” Merlin said.

The four of them, and Gwen, had been sent ahead to retrieve the sword. as they were native to Albia.

“Does it look something like that?” Gwen asked, pointing to a stone with a sword sticking out.

Merlin walked up to it. Taking a deep breath, he pulled with a yell. The sword popped out – and so did a girl.

She had blue skin and hair, and huge blue eyes with no pupils. One of her arms was covered in a lavender cape, the other in a blue. Her dress was dark purple, with a sapphire on her chest, and gold thread hemming the bottom and the sides. She wore black tights wrapped with green ribbon. She was tall and lithe, built like a dancer, appearing to be somewhere between sixteen and eighteen.Beautiful yet somewhat frightening. And she appeared to be levitating.

Merlin, Arthur, Leon, Gwaine, and Gwen stared at the girl. She swept a bow in Merlin’s direction. “Master,” she said. “I am Fi, your servant sent to inhabit the master sword by the goddess Hylia.”

“This isn’t the master sword,” Merlin said, confused. “It’s the legendary sword in the stone.”

Fi stared at him blankly. Then she burst into tears and kicked a tree. “Drat it!” she wailed. “I went to the wrong sword!”

“Whoa. Calm down, miss,” Arthur said.

Gwen decided to try her be-really-nice-and-introduce-yourself tactic. “I’m Gwen,” she said gently.

“I DON’T CARE!” screamed Fi. “Hylia wanted me to serve the handsome hero Link. Instead I’m doomed to serve this… this…” she stared at Merlin, looking for a decent insult. “This nerd,” she said finally.

“If you want to serve Link, he’s nearby,” Leon offered.

“Alas.” Fi blew her nose on the handkerchief Gwen offered. “I am now bound by honor to serve the nerd. Well, I shall do my best to be an amiable companion.” She leapt into a somersault, landing inside the sword and vanishing.

“That was odd,” said Arthur.

“Very odd,” Gwaine agreed. “So… shall we take the sword back?”

~~~

10/7/15

It’s been so long….

@katoonirose – MORGONANDORF!

@Carillia Prynn – PIPIA!

~~~
Chapter Ten

Onto Middle-Earth

“Hey, guys!” Link exclaimed as the albians returned. “What took you so long?”

“Do you happen to know a girl named Fi?” Leon asked.

Link frowned and scratched his nightcap-clad head. “Fi, Fi,” he mused. “Can’t say I do. Why?”

“We found the sword, and there was a girl inside,” Merlin explained, and he quickly told the whole story.

“Can we meet her?” asked Saria. Besides herself, the only girls on the mission were Zelda, Leia, Katniss, Nabooru, and Gwen, a fact she found very irking.

Merlin examined the sword, then tapped the hilt. In a rush of silver, blue, and purple, Fi appeared and swept a bow.

“Greetings, Master,” she said. “How may I serve you?”

“This is Link,” Merlin said, leading him forward. “You know, the one you wanted to serve?”

Fi shook Link’s hand with her cape-covered one. “It is an honor to meet you. I am Fi. Alas that fate had not brought us together but…” and here she turned her gaze to Merlin. “I have decided you seem an amiable master. I shall do my utmost to serve you with dignity.”

Merlin introduced everyone to Fi, and then Nabooru asked, “Where will we go next?”

“Middle-Earth!” said Pippin, a little too quickly. “My legend!”

“Waaaaait a second. There’s no one from Middle Earth working for Ganondorf,” said Katniss, arching an eyebrow. “So why do you want to go there?”

Pippin froze.

Then a bomb went off behind them. They looked up to see a large hovercraft firing down at them. Luke, recognizing the ship, made a wise and logical decision.

“Run!” Luke cried.

They all made a dash for it. “Saved by the bomb,” thought Pippin.

“Master,” said Fi calmly, flying alongside Merlin as he hurtled over fallen trees and rocks. “I could fly up there to investigate. It seems there is a hovercraft shooting at us.”

“We noticed!”

“Fly me up there!” Katniss cried, hooking on the sword. Fi entered it and flew up.

Inside the craft, not noticing the two women, Vader and Ugluk were sitting before a control panel. “What’s this thingy do?” asked Ugluk, pointing to a button marked, “Self-destrcut.”

“Don’t push that!” Vader cried.

“Why, what’s it do?”

“It’ll blow up the whole ship!”

Ugluk yanked his hand back.

Katniss prepared an arrow, but before she could fire it, an orange disc came hurtling out of nowhere, and latching onto the ship, carried it backwards.

“What -” Katniss looked down. Nabooru was smiling, hands on her hips.

“You killed them with a frisbee?” Katniss shouted.

“Not killed, and not with a frisbee. It’s a medallion. Technically I was supposed to save it, but oh well. They’d have shot you. Well, let’s go tell the others?”

Pippin frowned as Katniss finished the story. “It’s just… how could Ganondorf have orcs?”

“Does it matter? He has them. We’re onto Middle-Earth,” said Legolas.

They were onto Middle-Earth.

~~~

10/10/15

@katoonirose – Glad you like it!

@Laureyulma – i like the gifs, too.

@Carillia Prynn – Pipia….

Here comes more!!!

~~~

Chapter Eleven

Legolas Continues to be Annoying

“We have a problem,” Luke said. “R2 can’t tell whether to go to Middle-Earth or someplace called Valinor. But Valinor is closely associated with Middle-Earth…”

Link turned to Legolas. “Didn’t you mention Valinor when we first met?”

All eyes turned to the elf.

Legolas decided this would be a great time to steal the spotlight – and hopefully, impress Nabooru. “Ah, Valinor!” he sighed dramatically, pressing a hand to his heart. “The fair land beyond the sea!
To the sea, to the sea!

The white gulls are crying

The wind is blowing

And the white foam is flying. 

West, west away, the -“

“Yeah, it’s a beautiful poem and all,” sighed Han, “but can you get to the point?”

“Well the POINT,” said Legolas, much offended, “is that we should definitely go there.”

“Frodo,” Pippin whispered.

“Come again?” asked Gwaine.

“Frodo!” exclaimed Pippin. “He’s my cousin! He moved to Valinor five years ago. If I went there, I could see him again! Hey, maybe he’d join us!”

They decided to split up. Saria, Yoda, Leia, Arthur, Pippin, and R2 would go to Valinor to get Frodo. R2 would navigate their way there and back again to the rest of the group, who would go to middle-Earth, where Legolas would navigate.

“Be careful,” Merlin told Saria, giving her a brotherly sort of hug.

“I will.”

“She has me. I’m very brave,” Pippin said. “I’ll protect everyone!”

Saria grinned at him, then dropped her gaze, blushing.

And they spilt.

“Target lock: beetle on the ground,” said Fi in a dull voice. “It can be destroyed with a heel, or caught with a net. Target lock: leafy tree. This tree is ugly and there is a 95% chance it is dead.”

“Do Legolas,” said Merlin.

“Target lock: Legolas. I have no information about this man -”

“I’m an elf!”

“-other than the fact he is blond, has many fangirls, and is in desperate need of a barber shop. To defeat him, wound his pride. There is a 99.9% chance this will be effective.”

Legolas scowled, especially when Nabooru began to laugh.

“Is this Valinor yet?” Arthur groaned. “Are we there yet?”

“R2 says no,” said Leia.

“Are we there yet?” Arthur asked two seconds later.

“Still no.”

“Are we there yet?”

“No!”

“Are we-”

“NO!”

“Are we there yet?”

NO!!!

“Actually, yes,” said Saria,

Arthur and Leia both turned. “What?”

“Look.” She pointed to R2. “He’s beeping and his lights are flashing.”

“So it’s just ahead?” Pippin asked hopefully.

“Let’s go see!” said Saria.

~~~
Pipia, Pipia, Pipia all the way. Oh what fun it is to post more MMM today. Hey! Pipia, Pipia….

10/14/15

So, guess who’s coming in today. Well, you’ll see soon!

@Laureyulma – I know, it was so funny

@addbratlove225 – Just you wait until this “chappie”!

~~~

Chapter Twelve

Evil Gets David Bowie

“So, Nabooeu is a traitor,” Ganondorf mused, stroking his chin. “I suppose I may have surmised as much.”

“Yeah, well not only is she a traitor,” Vader snapped, “she’s a walking medical emergency! I mean, if I weren’t wearing armor, my face would be really injured…”

“She made me look all messed up!” Ugluk wailed.

“Actually, you always looked messed up,” said Saruman.

“Yeah, Ugluk has the word ugly in it,” Morgana agreed.

Ganondorf sat back in his chair and took a swig from his goblet. “I love this dinner,” he told Morgana. “Usually I just eat pre-made pizza or something.”

Morgana had baked bread and roasted a chicken stolen from Kakariko Village.

“Well, it’s my pleasure,” she said, smiling,

Ganondorf sat back, assuming a thoughtful expression.

Ugluk held up his cup. “More wine,” he said.

Morgana smacked his hand. “No way. You’re half drunk.”

“You know what we need?” Ganondorf said thoughtfully.

“Yeah – more wine.” Ugly glared at Morgana.

“No – more members.”

“Aw, the more members we have, the less of the worlds each of us gets,” Saruman whined.

“The worlds are big,” Vader reminded him, ” and there is a whole other galaxy to dominate.”

“Just remember,” Ganondorf said, “I rule Hyrule, I’m just -”

No,” Morgana, Ugluk, Vader, and Saruman groaned together.

“Ahem,” said a soft voice behind Ganondorf’s throne.

All villains jumped. Ganondorf whipped his head around. A young man was standing there. He was singularly handsome, with pointed ears, a delicate nose, and narrow black eyes adorned with a generous amount of purple eyeliner. He was clad in a tight white leotard and dramatic cape the color of blood, and he wore blue earrings. He might have been seventeen or eighteen. Only one thing spoiled his youthful image. His hair, cut carefully and strikingly, was dead white.

“Are you… punk?” Ganondorf asked.

The intruder arched an eyebrow. “Well, that is most certainly offensive.”

Ganondorf studied him. “You remind me of a man,” he mused.

“What man?” asked Morgana, Ugluk, Saruman, and Vader.

“A man with the power,” Ganondorf mused.

“What power?” asked Morgana, Ugluk, Saruman, and Vader.

“Beg pardon?” asked the intruder.

“I GOT IT!” Ganondorf said triumphantly. “You’re David Bowie!”

“…No,” the intruder said. “I am Ghirahim.”

“Geek-raid-him?” Vader asked.

“Gear – a – him,” Ghirahim explained calmly. “However, I much prefer to be indulged with my full title – Lord Ghirahim. But I’m not fussy.”

“Love the leotard,” Ugluk said. “Can  I borrow it sometime?”

“No.” Ghirahim recoiled as though the orc smelled bad (which he probably did). “I have come to inform you that I have become aware of my counterpart, Fi -” here he spat on the floor – “and that she is in league with the band of riff-raff that call themselves heroes. King Ganondorf, my liege, my master Demise has sent me here to inform you that you are destined to be the greatest of evils in all the worlds. Monsters shall be your slaves! Kings shall  kneel before you!”

“Lucky,” Saruman muttered.

Ganondorf stared at the white-haired man. “Do you really mean it?” he whispered.

“This destiny has been set for you since your birth,” Ghirahim said, kneeling. “And shall be my honor to serve you.”

Ganondorf laughed. Morgana hugged him. “What have I told you?” she squealed.

“I have a few conditions,” said Ghirahim.

“Name them,” said Ganondorf, letting go of Morgana’s hug to turn towards Ghirahim, although he kept an arm around her waist.

“I must be addressed as Lord Ghirahim at all times.”

“Deal.”

“No one may touch my leotard of cape.”

“Drat.” Ulguk muttered. Ghirahim glared at him.

“No one will touch your leotard,” Ganondorf promised.

“I must have unlimited makeup.”

“Certainly.”

“And no matter what happens, I get to kill Fi.”

“What is your preferred weapon?”

“Throwing knives.”

“Than this girl, Fi, shall so be your personal target.”

Ghirahim smiled. “In that case, I’m in.”

~~~
1/1/15

*sighs at Ghirahim’s beauty*

*goes to write more MMM*

*can’t remember all the comments so moves on*

~~~

Chapter Thirteen: New Recruits

“Wow,” Saria breathed.

“Just ‘wow’?” Arthur asked. “I’ve never seen anything like this!”

Valinor was gorgeous. The sky was more blue than the sky in any other world, the ground was blanketed in flowers. Elves were everywhere.

“The air smells nice,” Saria said admiringly.

“Little girl, shouldn’t you be with your family?” asked an elf, stopping them. He examined Leia, Pippin, Arthur, Yoda, and R2. “And we don’t allow humans, or…. things.”

“I’m not an elf,” Saria explained. “I’m a kokiri.”

“Oh. Forgive me, but I surmised from your ears…”

“It’s alright,” Saria said quickly.

The elf eyed Pippin. “Another one of the halflings, then?” He sighed. “The first told us a friend of his would be coming, but I didn’t know he meant so soon.”

Pippin’s face fell.

“Where does he live?” asked Saria.

“Across the field there, in the green hole.”

“Thank you.”

Saria sat down next to Pippin once they were far from the elf. “Frodo’s expecting you?” she asked.

“Not me.” Pippin sighed. “He never invited me. It was probably Sam.”

“Who’s Sam?” asked Leia.

“Frodo’s best friend. They did EVERYTHING together.”

“They sound like BFF’S,” said Saria.

“They were. They were practically brothers. And Sam got all of his stuff, even his house. And his couch. I really wanted that couch.”

“I’m sure Frodo loves you too, Pippin,” said Arthur gently.

“Oh, he does. A lot. But… will he still now? Maybe he won’t want to come on this journey anyway… and… maybe he doesn’t love me as much as Sam.”

Saria’s eyes filled with tears. She wrapped her arms around Pippin and hugged him tight. “I’m sorry, Pippin,” she whispered. “Friendship is complicated.” She laughed a little. “At least for you, there weren’t any girls tied up in it… because me and Link…” she sighed. “We’re complicated. So while I sort of know how you feel…”

Leia and Arthur gave each other confused looks. Pippin blanked out, unable to hear a single word Saria said, due to his brain failing from the fact that she was hugging him.

“I hope Saria’s okay,” mused Merlin.

“I’m sure she’s fine,” Link said.

“I’m worried about Leia,” said Han.

“Are you kidding? Leia can take care of herself,” laughed Luke.

“Halt!” called a voice.

The company turned.

A blonde woman sat on a horse with a sword in her hand and a dagger at her hip. No one had heard her from all the noise they were making.

“Who are you?” she asked. “And what are you doing in Rohan with so large an army?”

“We’re in Rohan?” Legolas thought. “Crud! I took a wrong turn! Eowyn!” he exclaimed, the last part aloud. “It’s okay! This isn’t an army.”

“Oh? Hey, Legolas.” Eowyn sheathed her sword. “What’s going on?”

Legolas quickly made explanations and introductions.

“So, you’re saving the worlds?” Eowyn smiled. “Got room for one more?”

“That’s Frodo’s hobbit-hole,” said Pippin, pointing.

“Are you excited?” asked Saria, “or nervous?”

“Both, but mostly excited.” Pippin grinned, his worry overcome by Saria’s embrace. “Let’s go!”

“I have a bad feeling about this,” said Leia.

“Why?” asked Arthur.

“Because, it’s who I am. Whenever someone suggests everything is alright, I declare that I have a bad feeling for the sake of dramatic effect. It’s part of my character.”

“Ooooookaaaay…”

Meanwhile, Saria and Pippin were tearing across the field to Frodo’s house.

“Ready?” asked Saria, panting as they arrived.

Pippin nodded, and knocked.

No answer.

He knocked again.

“Be patient!” shouted a voice. The door swung open.

“FRODO!” screamed Pippin. He tackle hugged Frodo, and they fell over.

“Wait, what?” said Frodo.

“I missed you! I missed you! I missed you!” Pippin showered Frodo’s face in kisses.

Frodo looked up at Saria. “Do you care to explain what in Middle-Earth is going on?”

~~~

Oh, Frodo….

~~~

Chapter Fourteen

Drama

“Wait up!”

Merlin turned to see Saria running towards him, along with the rest of the Valinor group and a hobbit with dark hair and blue eyes. “Look!” she said, hugging Merlin. “It’s Frodo! We found him!”

“Hullo,” said Merlin, giving Frodo a smile, which the hobbit returned. “I was worried about you,” Merlin continued, turning back to Saria. She wrapped her arms around his neck.

“I’m okay. Don’t worry.” She looked up at Eowyn over his shoulder. “Hey, who’s this?”

“I’m Eowyn.” The shield maiden extended a hand, then noticed Frodo. “Hey, I know you!”

“That’s right, you were Merry’s friend,” said Frodo.

Everyone decided they’d had a full day, so Gwaine stayed up for the first watch, and everyone else made camp.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” announced Eowyn the next morning, “this is my brother, Eomer. He will be joining us.”

“‘Lo.” Eomer waved a hand.

Suddenly Nabooru broke into the crowd, missing a shoe and raking a comb through her hair. “So sorry I’m late,” she said. “I slept in.”

“Oh, well, Nabooru, this is Eomer, my brother.”

“Hi,” Nabooru said, sliding her shoe on and flashing a smile.

Eomer stared at her.

Eowyn hit his arm. “Eomer, Nabooru said ‘hi’ to you.”

“Oh. H-hi,” Eomer stammered.

“Hi.” Nabooru jabbed a pin into her ponytail and swished it a couple of times.

“Alright, so,” said Merlin, “let’s follow R2.”

Fi suddenly flew forward. “Master, I have word that Saruman, from this legend, is in league with the villains.”

“Saruman?” Frodo asked. “I thought he was dead.”

“You know him?” asked Leon.

“Oh, yes, I know him,” said Frodo. “He tried to kill me.”

“Was he the one who cut off your finger?” asked Saria.

Frodo’s face darkened. He slid his hand into his waistcoat pocket. “We aren’t talking about that.”

“I was just-”

“Well, stop.”

“Sorry, it’s only that -”

“WE AREN’T TALKING ABOUT IT!”

Saria burst into tears. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. Nabob took her hand and glared at Frodo/

The twenty-one shuffled along silently. “What’s Saruman’s weakness?” asked Gwen.

“His voice,” Legolas answered. “Take that away and he’s powerless.”

“Then let’s buy some earmuffs, by all means,” Han huffed.

“What about that orc in the ship?” asked Katniss.

“We should go to their fortresses,” said Eomer. “If there’s something we don’t know about orcs yet, it will be there.”

“Good idea,” said Nabooru, nodding. Eomer smiled. Legolas instantly was beside them.

“Oh, but Eomer, won’t that be a long walk?” he asked. “I mean, I could shoot the orcs from a hundred feet away. Why don’t we just head on to another legend?”

“We should at least look,” pressed Nabooru.

Luke looked up. “R2 says the nearest portal out of here is by an orc tower, anyway, so we may as well.”

“Then…” Frodo shuddered. “We’ll have to pass through the stairs.”

They kept going for six hours, then finally settled down to make camp. All twenty-one of the heroes were tired, and Saria had began to stumble. Pippin had let her lean on him until they stopped to get some rest.

Eowyn slapped her brother’s arm as he continued to stare at Nabooru. “What’s wrong with you?” she hissed.

“What’s that girl’s name again?” he asked.

“Nabooru. So? Look, the guys are all getting set up for bed. Go make some friends and leave Nabooru out of it.”

Eomer crashed onto his roll by the guy’s side of camp. “Nabooru is so pretty!” he exclaimed.

“Get your head out of the clouds,” Luke warned, glancing at the sleeping Legolas.

“Why?”

“Well, she’s really rich and important…”

“Let me explain this,” Han interrupted. “Legolas likes her, kid, which means he’ll keep up his creepy flirting until sooner or later it will work.”

Eomer sighed. He knew Legolas. “Well… alright. But she is really, really pretty.” He pulled a blanket over his head, wondering what having Nabooru for a girlfriend would be like.

~~~

11/8/15

Aaaaand, here comes more villainous activity…:) And a TON more Morganondorf. 😀

~~~

Chapter Fifteen

Send out Shelob

“Rise an shine!” Ganondorf burst into Ugluk’s room and ripped the blankets off of him. “Hurry up! Come eat breakfast!”

“Ganondorf, I’m still tired,” Ugluk whined as Ganondorf hauled him out of bed.

“Too bad. And… what’s that?”

Ugluk hid the stuffed bear.

“You sleep with a teddy bear?” Ganondorf asked.

“NO,” said Ugluk. “It’s… it’s, um…”

“Yeah, okay.” Ganondorf rolled his eyes. “Come on. Get moving.”

He skipped down the hall, banging on doors. “Wake up, Darth!” he shouted, pounding on Darth Vader’s door. He moved on to Saruman’s. “Wake up! Come on people, move it move it move it!”

“Whazzgoinon?” Morgana asked as she came out of her room, rubbing her eyes and smearing last night’s mascara.

“Breakfast table, babe!” Ganondorf popped a kiss on her cheek. Morgana’s eyes went wide.

“Wh-wha?”

“Come on. Breakfast table. See you soon!” He skipped away. Morgana blushed, grinned, and headed to the kitchen.

“Lord Ghirahim!” Ganondorf knocked on the door. “Open up, come on!”

Ghirahim came out wearing a red bathrobe, straightening his hair. “Yes, my liege?” he asked.

“Breakfast table,” said Ganondorf by way of an explanation. “Now.”

Ghirahim sighed and walked to the breakfast table.

Once everyone was assembled, Ganondorf dashed to and fro, dishing scrambled eggs onto everyone’s plates. When they all stared at him blankly, he said, “well, go on! Eat up!”

“What’s this all about, anyway?” Vader asked, trying to figure out how to get the eggs through his helmet and into his mouth.

“We’re training,” Ganondorf said, leaning against Morgana’s chair and putting his chin on the top of her head. “Downstairs. So, babe, what’s your weapon?”

“Uh-uh-um,” Morgana stuttered, blushing.

“Now it’s a bow.” Ganondorf set a bow beside her. “Saruman, what about you?”

“My staff, naturally! And my persuasive voice.”

“Not cool enough. Now it’s a bow. Ugluk! What’s your weapon?”

“My sword.”

“Good, very good. Vader?”

“Lightsaber.”

“Ooh, I like it. Lord Ghirahim?”

“Throwing knives and teleportation.”

Ugluk started choking on his scrambled eggs.

“Something wrong?” asked Ghirahim innocently, taking a sip of orange juice.

“I’m sorry,” said Ugluk, “but you can teleport?”

“Why, of course I can,” said Ghirahim from the other end of the kitchen. “I am a sorcerer, after all.”

“Wha-” Ugluk sputtered.

“Awesome.” Ganondorf whisked away their plates. “We’re meeting downstairs in five minutes. Chop chop!”

“Ganondorf!” Vader whined as they practiced downstairs. “This is hard. Ugluk has a sword, and lightsabers can’t fight swords!”

“This is really hard!” Saruman complained, spinning his spear like a helicopter blade.

“It doesn’t help that Ghirahim’s showing off,” said Morgana, almost shooting herself in the foot.

Ghirahim was throwing knives, teleporting, catching the knives, and then throwing them again.

“My lord,” he said, “may I go spy on the heroes?”

“Go ahead,” said Ganondorf.

Ghirahim left, then returned a few moments later.

“The fools are nearing Cirith Ungol,” he laughed. “Send out Shelob.”

~~~

11/11/15

Who here loves Morganondorf? *raises hand*

~~~

Chapter Sixteen

Shelob’s Lair

“We have to climb that?!” Leon asked, staring up at the staring up at the staircase.

“Yep,” Frodo said. “If anyone dies on the way, you can take comfort in knowing that no one will every find your body.”

“Creepy,” Gwen said. They slowly began the ascent.

“Excuse me,” called Yoda, “but old I am and climb I cannot!”

Merlin sighed. “Fi, can you do your jetpack thing for Yoda?”

“Yes, master.”

Once that was situated, they began the climb.

“I’m so tired” Pippin panted an hour later.

“Relax,” said Frodo. “We’ve only got – ”

“R2 says there are 2000 stairs left,” said Luke as the robot whistled.

“I like the 2R,” said Fi from inside the sword. “It is a wise and capable robot. There was once a robot named Scrapper who was neither wise nor capable, and he harbored a serious crush on me. I found it slightly disturbing.”

No one quite knew what they ought to say to that, so they continued to climb, wondering what they would find at the top, and what beyond that awaited them. Sara almost fell, but Pippin caught her by her belt and pulled her back up, keeping her in front of him so she wouldn’t fall again. Eomer felt himself slipping, only for Nabooru to catch his arm. She gave him a warm smile and then bounded over the next step before he could thank her.

Finally, they stopped in a tunnel about three hours later, having only had a brief snack break two hours earlier. They quietly passed out food and ate it without speaking. Gwen finished first and broke the silence: “Who’s on watch?”

“I will,” Gwaine offered.

“I’ll go second,” said Nabooru.

They settled down for bed.
“Are you crying, Frodo?” Pippin asked, looking over at his cousin. There weren’t enough blankets to go around, so they were sharing a smaller one.

“No,” Frodo said, turning away.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Are you thinking about the last time you were here, with Sam?”

“No, because I’m not crying.”

“Suit yourself.” Pippin rolled over. “Night.”

“They’re on the edge of Shelob’s Lair,” said Ghirahim, dabbing on some purple eyeshadow. The other heroes stood clustered around him.

“The last time I checked, they were asleep,” Ghirahim went on, setting aside the eyeshadow, “save Nabooru, who was on watch.” He started to file his nails.

“Did she see you?” asked Morgana.

“I vanished before she noticed me, of course,” replied Ghirahim delicately, applying some clear nail polish. “Alas that Fi was in the sword.”

“I wish we could watch the heroes being murdered,” Saruman sighed wistfully.

“You can,” Vader said. “Remember that I come from a high-tech society. If Ghirahim will rig up this camera, we can watch all that happens. I have a screen set up in the dining room.”

Ghirahim, ignoring the lack of his formal title, grabbed the camera and vanished. A minute later he reappeared, only to teleport to the dining room. The other villains followed. Vader hit a switch and the screen hummed to life.

“Okay,” Frodo said as everyone rolled up blankets and packed up camp, “there are a lot of spiderwebs up ahead. Sam and I cut through a few, but only at our height.”

“That’s why we have this.” Luke turned on his lightsaber.

They went on, cutting through webs and shuffling uneasily through the tunnels.

“Look!” Saria cried suddenly. “The pass!” she started to run, but Frodo caught her by the back of her shirt and pulled her back.

“Whoa,” he said. “You want to go slow. Trust me.”

“What’s taking so long?” Ugluk whined.

“She’ll be there soon,” Saruman promised.

“When?”

“…Now.”

Sure enough, a dark shape was slowly advancing towards the heroes. No one seemed to notice it though, and they filed slowly towards the pass. Shelob landed from the ceiling, blocking their escape route.

“What was that?” Leon spun around. Then he cried out.

The twenty one heroes stared in horror at the spider that was easily ten times bigger than even the tallest heroes.

Frodo’s hand shot down the front of his tunic and he whipped out a blue phial. “AIYA EARENDEL ELENION ANCALIMA!” he screamed.

“No time for language lessons, run!” Katniss said. She had picked Pippin up and was carrying him away as the spider began to give chase.

“Saria!” Pippin screamed, pounding his fists against Katniss, as Saria stood paralyzed.

Cords of web shot out, entangling Frodo and Saria, along with Legolas and Gwaine, who had fallen back to defend them. The other heroes froze, hands on weapons, then all at once came to their senses and swarmed forwards with a cry.

Too late – Shelob jabbed each of her captors with a talon. Legolas and Gwaine were out instantly.

“Oh no, not again,” Frodo groaned, and then he went slack, eyes staring blankly upwards. Saria screamed, and her scream drew itself out, before suddenly ending as she went limp.

“SARIA!” screamed Pippin and Link.

Morgana, Vader, Ugluk, Saruman, and Ghirahim laughed as Ghirahim put on a pouty face and mocked, “Sawia! Sawia! Boo-hoo!”

“Get them to safety!” Arthur cried, charging at Shelob. Gwen and Nabooru carried Frodo and Saria out of harm’s way, and dragged Legolas and Gwaine. Leia rushed to help them, but as she turned, Shelob stung her from behind. She fell forwards into the arms of Gwen, who screamed and dropped her.

Nabooru ripped out two scimitars and threw herself at the spider, climbing up onto her back and stabbing her repeatedly. Luke tried to cut off her talons with his lightsaber. The others joined her, shooting, slicing, and hacking.

“SARIA, NO!!” Link held Saria in his arms. “PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME!!”

Gwaine glanced at his friends, then drew a deep breath. “Get it while I distract it,”  he said.

“Gwaine, no!” cried Arthur.

Gwaine ran up to Shelob and stood still. “Now!” he screamed. “Just do it!”

Shelob stung him.

“Nooooo!” screamed Arthur.

As Shelob wrapped up Gwaine’s body, Arthur, Merlin, and Leon surged forwards, followed by the other heroes. All at once they attacked Shelob, striking her with hand, foot, cane, magic, lightsaber, sword, bullet, arrow, phial, and scream. With one last shriek, her legs flailed, and then the fell back and stopped moving.

Pippin gave no more thought to her. He ran to Frodo, turned him over,  and laid his head on his chest.

“I don’t believe it!” Pippin sobbed, lifting his head. “That spider killed him! He’s dead!”

~~~

Mwa ha ha…

~~~

Chapter Seventeen

Dead?

“YESSSSSSSS!” Cheered Ugluk, pumping his fist in the air. “Dead! They’re dead! Wooo-hooo!”

“I’m so happy!” squealed Morgana.

“We did it! We killed six  of them!” whooped Ganondorf. Morgana smile. He stared at her for a moment, then grabbed her by the shoulder and kissed her on the mouth. Her eyes flew open in surprise, and then closed, satisfied.

“EEEEEEWWWWWW!!!!” shrieked all the other villains, covering their eyes, except for Vader, who whipped out a camera and started snapping pictures.

Morgana pulled away from Ganondorf and smiled broadly.  “I – I,” she stammered.

“I love you, babe!”  said Ganondorf. “You’re the best girl ever. We’re gonna be so happy once all the heroes are dead!”

“I- love you too – Gannie,” Morgana said, blushing.

“I expect you to name your first child after me,” said Ghirahim.

After that, it got awkward, so Morgana went off to fetch some cakes for a “we killed six heroes” party.

The heroes, however, were not in the mood to celebrate. Pippin threw himself over Frodo’s lifeless body, sobbing. Arthur and Leon wept beside Gwaine’s body. Gwen and Nabooru held Leia’s hands and cried. Link cradled Saria in his arms.

Fi looked at Merlin, kneeling beside Saria. “Master,” she said. “I understand that you are feeling the emotion humans know as grief. However -”

“How can you say that?” asked Merlin, looking up at her. “Aren’t you sad at all?”

“I am incapable of many emotions, Master, aside from frustration and compulsion to share my knowledge. I do not exactly understand what grief is.”

Merlin gazed down at Saria. “Grief,” he whispered, “is when it feels that all is gone. When you realize, deep inside of you, that everything you thought you would always have has vanished in the blink of an eye – and you’ll never get it back. It’s lost forever, and though more than anything you want to join it – you can’t.”

Fi watched him for a minute, and then, deep in her heart, she felt a small stirring. She took Merlin’s words and stored them in her heart, and closed her eyes a single tear – the first she had ever shed – rolled down her cheek.

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“We should move on.” Katniss kissed her three middle fingers and held them out to the dead.

“You go,” said Pippin as the heroes packed up and prepared to move on. “I’m staying.”

“Pippin…” said Legolas.

“No,” said Pippin. “I’m staying. I have to. I can’t leave Frodo. I can’t leave Saria.” He nestled down into Frodo’s chest. “I need to stay right here.”

Nabooru burst into tears, which was completely odd for her, and turned away.

Zelda took off her pack and handed it to him. “Here,” she said. “If we get back, and you’re dead… you’ll be in so much trouble.”

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Pippin didn’t smile. “Go now,” he said . “Kill Ganondorf, and give him an extra stab for me.”

One by one, they left. Link lingered last, then kissed Saria gently on her cheek and left her.

Pippin was alone, his heart broken into many pieces. He lay beside Frodo for a minute, then slowly slipped away from his cousin’s dead body and crawled to Saria’s. He was struck by how beautiful she was, and how pale she looked. Softly, he reached out to smooth one green lock of hair behind her ear. Then he slipped his hand onto her face.

“Are they near here?”

Pippin jerked his head up sharply. “Move!” his brain screamed. He flopped onto the ground beside Frodo and pretended to be dead.

“Look!” a woman’s voice said.

“Why are there seven?” asked a snarling voice. Pippin tensed. An orc.

“One more dead hero never hurt anyone,” sighed a young, handsome voice.

“True, but Ghirahim, why is he here?” asked the woman.

“Do I look like I know everything?” asked Ghirahim, sounding annoyed. “Anyway, stop bothering me. I pushed myself to the limit, teleporting the three of you.”

“Are they really dead?” asked a voice Pippin knew well. Saruman, he thought, terror flooding him.

“Of course they are,” snarled the woman. “Gannie said so.”

“I want to check.” Saruman knelt by Saria and rolled her over, and examined the wound on the back of her neck.

“Just as I said.” Morgana put a hand on her hip and tossed her head. “There’s a wound, where Shelob stabbed her.”

“But it doesn’t look deep enough to be fatal…”

There was a tense pause, before Ugluk shouted, “Drat! They aren’t dead! I forgot, Shelob doesn’t sting to kill!”

They all whirled on him. “What?”

“They aren’t dead!?”

“Gannie kissed me for nothing?!”

“How dare y-”

“Hold up!” said Ugluk. “We’ll take them to the Tower and torture them to death. How does that sound?”

They all perked up at once. “Sounds great!” said Ghirahim, licking his lips. “I can’t wait.”

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He lifted Frodo and slung him over one shoulder, and threw Pippin over the other, while the other heroes were dragged.

I’m going to die, thought Pippin. They’re going to kill us.

And then he passed out.

~~~

11/29/15

Bwa ha haaa…

~~~

Chapter Eighteen

Split

Link and Merlin were supposed to be on watch, yet they weren’t alone. None of the heroes could sleep. All lay scattered around the camp, some crying, some staring blankly at the fire, as though they couldn’t believe life had gone so wrong.

Link heard a rustling and looked up, but it was only Zelda, who came and sat next to him with her head on his shoulder.

“Hey,” she whispered. “Are you alright?”

“Yes.”

There was a moment of silence.

“No,” Link said. “I’m not. tumblr_static_tumblr_static_you_need_to_stop

Zelda looked up. “I’m so sorry, Link,” she murmured.

“Is everyone awake?” Merlin called softly.

Everyone whispered the affirmative and gathered around him.

“Well?” asked Han. “What now?”

“Keep going, I guess,” Leon said.

“Why?” asked Han, throwing a stick down heavily. He remained standing despite Luke’s suggestions to sit. “What’s the point? There’s so much still to do and we’ve left that kid all by himself. He’ll die.” He stuck his hands in his pockets and glared around. “And so will we if we don’t do something about these guys taking over everything.”

“We have to fight,” Katniss said. “I thought everyone knew that.”

“Do we?” asked Zelda softly. “I… I want to go home.”

They all looked at her.

“Me too,” Gwen murmured.

“Home I wish to go also,” said Yoda.

“Permanently?” asked Link.

“No!” exclaimed all three.

“Not permanently,” said Gwen. “Just… for a bit.

guinevere-breathtakingly-beautiful-woman-arthur-and-gwen-27572665-408-189

“You know,” said Han, “Luke, Yoda and I can get the falcon.”

“We could split up,” said Katniss. “Eowyn and I will get Pip!”

“I’ll get some Gerudo soldiers,” said Nabooru.

Suddenly R2 gave a beep and shot out a cluster of beams. One landed on each hero.

“Master, the 2R has given these beams as navigation,” said FI. “Let us set out. You, and Link, and I will go to Hyrule. I will stand by you always.”

~~~

12/10/15

Gotta start wrapping things up!

~~~

Chapter Nineteen

Tormented

“As… wait, what?” asked Leon.

“As navigation,” said Fi. “The beams point to where you ask them to take you. For example, if I now direct my beam to lead us towards Hyrule…”

Fi’s beam shot out of her hand and zig-zagged into the woods.

“…Then it will lead me there,” she said.

“How do we turn it off?” asked Katniss.

“By telling it to deactivate,” Fi explained. “Does it matter? Let’s be off.” She vanished into the sword.

“Well… let’s go,” said Han. One by one, each activated his or her beam and started off.

 

Pippin woke up to find himself chained to Frodo. He looked around. Nearby the other heroes were bound to each other or the walls.

“Are they awake?” he heard a voice saying. He dropped and feigned unconsciousness.

“Not yet,” growled another voice. He heard footsteps leave. Instantly he propped himself up on one elbow and touched Frodo on the arm.

“Frodo?” he called softly. “Frodo? Wake up. Please…”

To his surprise, Frodo stirred and sat up. “Pippin?”

“You’re awake!” Pippin said happily. Then his face fell. “Frodo, they’ve captured us,” he said sadly. “How are we going to escape?”

Frodo hesitated, knowing they weren’t. But he only said, “we’ll be fine, Pippin.” He took Pippin by the arms. “I promise.”

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Eowyn signaled to Katniss, who nodded. The two crept along silently.

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Cautiously, they peeked into the cavern.

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“There’s… no one,” Katniss whispered.

“What?” breathed Eowyn. “That’s not possible.”

Katniss bent down. “Look,” she said. “Footprints. The evil was here.”

“But why would they take dead bodies with them?” asked Eowyn.

Suddenly, a scream filled the air, from the direction of the tower. Both girls whipped their heads towards the sound.

“Frodo,” Katniss whispered. “They’re not dead.”

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Frodo stood in the corner, crying as his friends were questioned. Pippin and he had been whipped, and Saria was now in danger of the cruel lash. Finally after she was hit twice, the heroes were thrown back into their cells.

“Don’t worry,” Gwaine said weakly. “It’ll be fine.” He smiled bravely. “These villains better brush up anyway. This is barely even a challenge.”

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Pippin, Saria, and Frodo looked up at him from their place, huddled together in the corner, with Pippin’s head on Frodo’s shoulder, and Saria’s arms around Pippin’s waist.

“Really?” she whispered. “Are you sure?”

“‘Course,” said Dwaine, trying to remain cocky. “Night, all. Hopefully we;ll get out of this hole soon.”

74 thoughts on “Modern Multi Mash-up

  1. Not even a challenge? They could DIE! And he is completely oblivious to that fact? Is he under an Imperius Curse? Is he under a Memory Charm? Is he Confunded? Or does he just have no idea in the world what is going on at all and what the state of anybody is in general?

    Like

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