Sam: So H.G., how was camp?
Frodo: Did you miss us?
H.G.: Of course I did, but I was able to plot out the whole upcoming chapter, so there’s very little work involved for Sam.
H.G.: Unfortunately there’s also very little cuddling involved for either of you.
Sam: *not smiling*
Frodo: Why? Do you do bad things to us?
H.G.: So if I say there’s little cuddling, you automatically assume that means that I’m evil?
Frodo: Well, yeah. That’s how you work.
Sam: We cuddle and act adorable, or we suffer brutal pain.
Frodo: Or we do both.
Sam: Or Rosie runs around being depressed.
H.G.: Gosh, you’re both so negative!
Sam: But I think you see what we’re saying.
H.G.: Yes, I do.
Frodo: You will wrap up this story, as it’s dying…
Sam: …and then start a new one with more effort to keep us in character.
Frodo: One that involves cuddling, kisses, and happiness, as well as lots of food.
Sam: Or, you know, something that brings people to tears as we overcome horrific torment out of love for each other.
Frodo: No more torture!
H.G.: So basically, you want a pre-quest Shire story, or you want a torturefic.
Frodo: Ignore Sam, there will be no torturefics.
Sam: But then she can show how much I love you.
Frodo: But she can do that in pre-quest, too. Imagine how cute little tween us would be.
Sam and H.G.: AW!
H.G.: But murder, John…
Sam: THIS IS NOT SHERLOCK H.G.
Frodo: Well, it’s your choice.
H.G.: What would the readers be interested in:
Sam: Yeah guys, what?
Frodo: Adorable, wonderful small hobbits that are sweet and pain-free…
Sam: …or torment in Mordor barely holding onto our lives and each other?
H.G.: Who said it would be Mordor?
Frodo: There’s nothing worse then Mordor.
H.G.: Oh, how little you know. Anyways, I’ll be working on chapter nine, so look for that sometime next week.
Frodo: And while you’re at it, read “Blood and Ashes” by H.G. on Archive of Our Own, even if it’s horrible.
Sam: Horribly angsty.
Frodo: Yeah, that.