Character Assessment

Six Reasons Why Anfei Should Never Have Existed

Anju and Kafei. Oh, boo hoo, they’re so adorably romantic.

NO THEY AREN’T, THEY’RE TWO PEOPLE WHO WERE IN LOVE BEFORE A SICKO TURNED HIM INTO A CHILD.

Next to Zelink, Anfei is probably one of the most popular (canonical) ships. And yes, it’s sweet, and romantic, and I ship it a little, but that still doesn’t mean it should exist. And here’s why. Warning: this is a rant. Like I don’t rant enough.

1. For one thing, the game is sad enough without star-crossed lovers.

2. For another, their reactions if you can’t reunite them stick it to you: “Oh Link, you’re such a failure, look at these two people that you couldn’t bring together.”

3. For a third, doesn’t Zelda have enough Link-Zelda-Somebody love triforces as it is? (I say love triforce instead of love triangle.) Now we have to have this Anju-Kafei-Cremia thing, where Anju and Cremia are BFFs but they both love Kafei.  And also, everyone in town seems to think there’s a thing between Kafei and Cremia where he’s ditched Anju for her. Don’t all rumors have a grain of truth? Even ones started by pixelated characters who are about to have the moon dropped onto their heads?

4. Fourthly, it’s a little weird, don’t you think? They’re fianceés, and then he’s turned into a kid, but he’ll always make his way back to her, because their love is the sweetest, sappiest thing since honeybuns. But he’s a KID. I mean, how is that a difficulty to overcome? Just get them to change the curse. (And he does, so whatever, you suffered for a grand total of three days, Kafei.)

5. Have you read the graphic novel? Basically Kafei was out partying with his friends at the milk bar and staggered home, refused to play with the Skull Kid, told him he should be in bed, and was turned into a kid. First off, since when do you curse someone because they won’t play with you and you’re young to be out alone? Secondly, how does one get to a state where they’re staggering… on milk?

6. Neither of their parents seems to support the marriage. And doesn’t Anju have enough on her plate without worrying about her boyfriend and her mom not getting alone?

Anyway, it’s a cute ship, and I can see why people like it, but personally I wish it had been done a little better. Still a better love story than Twilight.

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